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W.I.G. Award

31 December 2008 201 views 10 Comments

posted by wig

Last year the editors at Rock and Ice sent me a message telling me to check out their new gear guide. I obliged and they informed me that next time they put one out they won’t just use their B.I.G. Award ( Best In Gear). they said they would start the W.I.G. Award (Worst In Gear). Get it? Of course you do. Anyway, they never did because in the magazine business you have to make very calculated decisions about who you hate on because they are all potential ad people. Luckily for us, we don’t really have advertisers yet, and I’d probably tell them if they came out with shitty gear anyway. Without further ado the Annual WORST IN GEAR AWARD.

I was having trouble at first deciding on a W.I.G. winner this year. Climbing is trouble that way because nearly everything we use follows a specific function. I mean we have some over designed peices (coughthesquidcough) and some other seriously supurfluous gear but these things aren’t necessarily terrible. When I was conveying my difficulties in nailing down a solid candidate a friend piped in with a new jacket out that allowed it’s owner to unzip pouches and actually stuff it with whatever happened to be lying around IN ORDER TO KEEP WARM. Imagine you’re just walking around in the wilderness and you’re thinking to yourself I’m a little chilly. With this coat you can just grab more leaves or animal pelts or your friends extra jacket and stick it INSIDE this jacket. DIY wamrth.

I didn’t believe him but held onto a hope that this jacket might actually be for sale somewhere. Lo and behold, it does in fact exist and it does in fact cost nearly a hundred dollars. Merrell who I don’t believe has been in the coat game that long really swung for the form follows function fences with the Gatherer jacket. I mean, it doesn’t get much simpler than, putting more things on top of you if you’re cold. Plus this jacket is ugly. Straight up. Homeless people have been using this technology for years, using leaves and newspapers to keep their asses from freezing off. They also light barrels of trash on fire, but I’m not sure if I’m sold on that one either. Congrats Merrell your W.I.G. award is in the mail.

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Tags: jackets, merrell, wig, worst in gear

About The Author: wig

Golden, CO

Age:24

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10 Comments »

furry said:

*cough* credit *cough*

# 31 December 2008 at 2:54 pm

Andy said:

Wig is drunk right here next to me and cannot type. He apologizes for not giving you credit. He also says to go fuck yourself.

# 31 December 2008 at 2:56 pm

Aimee said:

Can we include those rubber feet you can climb in?

Or maybe the stick-clipping device I broke after one day.

Or perhaps anything by mad rock?

# 31 December 2008 at 4:10 pm

Lucass said:

“So when you buy the jacket, does it come with anything inside?” The answer is yes… it is full of “F#cking Stupid” at no extra cost.
The only thing cool about this is that Wig was already trashed for this evening when he did it this afternoon.
I wish I was there with you guys!

Mahalo

# 31 December 2008 at 5:17 pm

jpc said:

But just think, you can pack it with condoms and have a fun night out

# 31 December 2008 at 7:44 pm

steph davis said:

so much less awesome than our pink jacket, A

# 1 January 2009 at 10:06 am

___ is more said:

Aw shit I’m cold….. Anyone have any packing peanuts? Seriously? No one?

# 2 January 2009 at 9:52 am

Lee said:

We spoke about this jacket over Christmas. Concensus is that the optimal thing to pack it with is baby ducklings. About 20 ought to do.

# 4 January 2009 at 9:33 pm

leinosaur said:

Test subjects chose duckling over chicken b/c at the instant chickens became thoroughly choked, testers’ interest in snuggly jackets waned sharply. Not to mention the testees’.

# 4 January 2009 at 11:05 pm