Issue five of Alpinist

Okay so by now everyone has seen or heard that Alpinist is shutting down. There are people mourning it’s demise like a great fallen American hero. There are people who are pissed off that such a thing could actually happen. I borrowed some jewels from the mountain project thread:

“I feel….betrayed and……bewildered. This news saddens me to no end. I’ll have to invite that skanky whore “Climbing” back into my house, to defile my bed. Say it isn’t so. My one true love, “Alpinist”, gone. I shall cherish your back….issues.”

“too sad to comprehend”

My opinion? “EH.”

I don’t know why everyone is crying and whining about this. Was Alpinist REALLY that good. It was a big thick glossy book you bought for near $15 four times a year. It’s no wonder they folded really. When you charge that much for a magazine, less people will buy it. Advertisers want MORE people to buy it so they will see their ads.  Alpinist didn’t have hardly any ads in it. That’s one vicious circle. Mags really dont’ make any money on subscriptions. Especially not 9,000 which is all they had. And  especially not when the only people who subscribe are assholes that write highhorse bullshit about abstract intangible undefinable ideas about the “purity” of climbing on message boards that only serves as vain attempts to negate the accomplishments of climbers who will always be 20 steps ahead of anything they ever did. I hate those people.  All the money that gets made at magazines is from advertisers, not subscribers, because magazines are incredibly expensive to print. One like Alpinist I’m certain, would be staggering in cost to get printed.

I don’t mean to sound like a jerk, but certainly someone could see this coming. Maybe Marc Ewing did and that’s why he cut out (oh and he’s not going to pay your subscription money back, don’t be a silly idiot and think that he would or even SHOULD). The dude did just lose his warehouse less than a year ago because some dude drove a forklift into a gas line and managed to set fire to all their back issues, apparel and other products.

It just seemed like they were down on their luck a little bit anyway. I’m actually surprised they lasted THIS long. By every account I’ve heard, they have always been on the fritz. Whether that’s accurate or not, I’m not entirely sure. Point is. It was a magazine. A magazine that everyone SAID was awesome but never bought. It’s your fault they closed, they even said this in their farewell letter, “We folded because there weren’t enough of you, but for our nearly 9,000 subscribers,” but who cares. It wasn’t some shining beacon of climbing awesomeness. It was just a magazine with pictures of guys suffering in the snow. And you all know my opinion on alpine climbing.

Maybe someone who has some serious business savvy will buy it and revamp it and make it profitable. By then it will probably have changed too much and everyone will be crying about how it’s not as good as it was.

This post is getting very ranty. I’m sorry.

In close. Get over it. If you are over it. Help others get over it. Show them a copy of Rock and Ice or Gripped or something and say deal with it. Such is life. Besides that mag sucked. Did I say that?

All I have to say about Wig is that he is simultaneously the most irresponsible and charismatic person I’ve ever met. The guy has talked me into doing more dumb shit than anybody I know. He talked me into leading S-wall, which is 5.9, 220 feet, and 3 bolts. Jesus. He’s also talked me into doing things with my money(usually the Casino) I usually wouldn’t dream of. Allow me to illustrate.

A couple years when we used to live together we were shit broke. We were usually broke, but that day it was BAD– we probably had $40 between the two of us. We had scammed enough gullible kids with rich parents into paying for our gas on a climbing day trip. We had made a gas station pit stop and we’re wondering around looking at shit, and he finds this electric flyswatter. It’s one these contraptions which looks like a fly swatter but uses batteries and claims to actually electrocute insects. Wig spent 30 minutes convincing me that this thing was AWESOME. It does shock the little fuckers with like 1500V, so he may have had a point.

It cost like $15 which was damn near 40% of our combined disposable income.And andrew wants to buy it! To me, that’s the height of irresponsibility. But you know what? He talked me into helping buy that piece of shit. Left to my own devices, an electronic fly swatter is the LAST thing i would ever buy, especially not with a maxed out credit card and 20 bucks in the bank. That folks, is Charisma. It’s why I love the Wig-he can talk you into doing shit that nobody else on earth ever could. Except, possibly, Sienna Miller giving you bedroom eyes.

Cheers mutherfucker.! Lets get drunk.