But NEVER SHAKE A SPORT CLIMBER!

Shaken Sport Climber Syndrome(SPCS) is a serious problem. We understand that your sport climber can become hard to get along with, especially during periods of poor sleep or high humidity. We understand that the urge to shake a sport climber when they start acting this way can be overwhelming. But we also want to warn you that it can be downright dangerous.

Sport climbers are fragile. Shaking one can instantly damage their psyche and ego. Some shaken sport climbers have even quit climbing, or worse, started trad climbing. No matter how strong the urge, no matter how bitchy your sport climber gets, remember, NEVER shake a sport climber. If you need to, call a responsible adult for help or in dire situations, simply tie them off and walk away. Whatever you do, NEVER SHAKE A SPORT CLIMBER!

Interview by Andrew Tower (Wig)

Photos by Caroline Treadway (C-Note)

Let’s start with basics. Where are you from? How old are you? How long have you lived in boulder?
I am 22 years old, I was born in Boulder and I still live here (but we moved to Kansas City when I was 2 for a year).
When did you start climbing?
I was 10 and I started at the Boulder Rock Club. I took kids classes during the summer and then I joined the Jr. Team and I started doing comps.
And you’ve been shredding the Front Range gnar ever since. What’s the best crag within an hour of boulder?
Hmm. I guess for sport climbing its maybe Clear Creek. I don’t really know if I can decide. There are a bunch of smaller areas that are good. The Flatirons, the Monastery, Industrial Wall, Eldo, Boulder Canyon.
So. Just anything I guess.
Yes. There are a lot. It just depends on my mood I guess
What’s the best route you’ve ever climbed that’s 5.8 or easier?
5.8 or easier?  I cant think of anything really that easy. I soloed the 1st Flatiron. How hard is that?
5.6
It was fucking terrifying. I thought I was going to die. No good. I will never do it again, but i guess it was kinda cool…
So what are you doing with your days right now? You graduated right?
Yes, I graduated in May 2007. Now I just climb and travel and try to keep my brain busy, but its getting old. I think I need to go back to school. I like climbing but I’m not one of those people who can stay motivated when it’s the only thing I do. Daniel woods and I did a slide show in Kentucky at a high school, so now I want to do more because I’m sick of just traveling and climbing. I feel like I don’t do anything all that productive.
That sounds rad. I say do it. You have P&C’s stamp of approval.
Ha thanks. I like the idea too, and my sponsors do too. Hopefully I can organize it and make it happen.
Good. We have a reader submitted question. Someone I know wants to know if you are of Nordic descent or if he has just convinced himself you look that way.
Nordic descent? I have no idea. Maybe…
yeah…
My parents are from Holland, MI, so we have some Dutch and Irish and English I think. I’m a random mix. I’m also the only one in the family with blond hair. You have viewer submitted questions?
Actually no but Limit made a drunken comment one night and I decided to publicly poke fun at him for it. Well speaking of drinking, I hear you do not know how to go into a liquor store and buy alcohol.
I’ve been to the liquor store three times since I turned 21. I just didn’t know what kind of vodka to buy because I never drink and there were so many different kinds. I was overwhelmed.
So if you aren’t a drinker what do you do? Any vices at all?
Yes. Lots. Cookies, ice cream and sleeping pills. Not good. I have sleeping problems and I take sleeping pills and I’m trying to not, but I always cave. And the internet.
What’s your favorite website? This is an EASY question.
I don’t know if I have a favorite. Let me think.
Ahem.
I go on 8a a lot. and Facebook and the Foodnetwork and weather.com
AHEM.
Pimpin and Crimpin…duh…
Of course. So 8a, you have a card and everything?
Yeah I do. I suck right now though. I used to be good, but I haven’t been sending shit. I need to have a comeback. I need to start climbing outside again. I’m going to Spain in February with Beth so hopefully sending will occur.
I’m certain it will. What’s in between Spain and now? Why aren’t you climbing outside this very moment?
I’m trying to train for North American Championships in Montreal in 3 weeks. And in December, well, I haven’t thought that far ahead, but January is the National Championships so I will train for that too. I climbed in Eldo on Saturday though, so I’ve been getting out a little bit. I want to go the VRG in December, but I’m afraid it will be too cold for me. I suck at climbing in the cold.
A warm weather girl huh? What’s the best thing to do when it’s warm outside that ISN’T climbing?
I like running too. I ran Cross Country in 10th grade. It was hard.
The very first article I ever read in a climbing magazine was about you and Tori Allen and I think you said something about wanting to free a route on El Cap eventually. How’s that goal coming?
Haha Yes I’ve always said that. I haven’t got around to it. Hopefully someday… It’s a lot of work and preparation. I’d like to go with Beth some day. I think I will do it someday. I just need to be ready and motivated.
—-
(a bunch of boring banter about Yosemite)
—-
…but whatever we had fun I guess. Gotta screw up sometimes.
That’s how you learn. I’ve learned through my own epics
What’s the MOST epic thing that’s happened?
So many. Mostly traveling epics. I almost didn’t make it home from China. They told me I had no reservation, and I started freaking out because I almost didn’t make it there. The same thing happened. I think I actually had a panic attack and collapsed on the floor in the airport. I was exhausted and so ready to go home, and they wouldn’t give me my boarding pass and they kept speaking Chinese and I just shut down mentally and freaked out. Then these two stewardesses came and took my arms and lead me to the front of the line and gave me my ticket and brought me through security and put me on the plane. I think they just wanted to get rid of me. Another time, in Australia, our van broke down and we were stuck for two days in this little town. We ended up hitchhiking. There was a lot of crazy things in Australia.
Lets talk about boys.
Ok.
You got one right?
Yup.
Kick ass climber right?
Yeah, he’s pretty talented. He’ll go months without climbing and then be strong immediately. He lived in Philly for the last year and a half. He was working not climbing much. Now he’s on a road trip.
Do you get hit on at the crags a lot or do you think dudes are totally intimidated?
Not really. I think I’m too shy. I just don’t talk much, so even if they were I don’t respond to it. Then maybe they get intimidated or think I’m a total bitch.
Are you?
No, I don’t think so…maybe I am!
Doubtful. Maybe it’s because 9/10 times I’ve seen you climbing it’s been with your dad. No one wants to hit on a girl in front of her dad.
That’s true. Good point.
Could you actually date a non-climber?
I don’t know. I’ve never thought about it. I bet I could though. Rob and I never really climbed together. We do other stuff because he likes to boulder and I sport climb.
Typical fluffy question: what’s the very best thing about climbing?
For me, climbing is the best sport because it never gets old. There is always going to be something new. New areas, different rock, different styles. The possibilities are endless. There’s no end to the challenges. It’s not like other sports where the distance/rules/course/movement is always the same. It’s a very unique sport in that way.
Cheers to that. If time, money and experience were not a factor at all. What would be the coolest job in all of history to have?
I’ve always wanted to be in CIA, but you have to move to DC
Really. Doing what?
Covert operations. I want to know what the government is doing behind our backs, and I want to be in the know.
Oh that kind of thing.
Yes, I studied international affairs.
Where do you see yourself in five years?
I think I will probably be in Law School. That’s what I want to do right now anyway. International Law
Damn. You’re an ambitious one.
Yes I suppose. I get bored. I want to learn more. I like school. I’m a total nerd wad.

How did you get started climbing?
Around the winter of my freshman year here my friends Max and Greg took me to the Spot. It was an instant attraction I suppose. I didn’t really get outside until this summer then I found out what it’s really all about.
And what do you think?
It’s one of my favorite things to do! Definitely top three. I love days when I get to spend the whole time outside climbing, and the people I’ve met are pretty cool too.
What are the other two?
Laughing and making out.
Who’s your favorite Chi-town rapper?
Well he’s not from The Chi but Warren G kicks ass. I like to kick it old school. Regulate is one of the best rap songs.
I noticed on your Facebook. You’re in a relationship…with a cat.
I really do not wish to discuss this… But if you know this cat you will know he is a very special cat. He has a way with words, I think its his French upbringing
Which episode of Southpark is your favorite?
Oh man you’re hitting me with the big guns now. I’d have to say Lord of the Rings, that shit is hilarious.
I can’t get of over the World of Warcraft, Guitar Queero and Imagination Land
Anything with Cartman is worth watching
If magically a guy appeared in front of you with a guitar what song could he play that would instantly render you mushy and exploitable.
Well the backstreet boys have certainly tugged at my heartstrings in years past
Noted.
No, but I am sucker for Van Morrison or his music at least.
You mean like Moondance or Dancin in the Moonlight?
Those are good, but not his best.
So it takes something extra special?
It has to be extra special. I don’t render mushy easily.
So what would it take?
A serenade in the right context would get me a little mush, but just straight up would make me squeamish.
Right… but what’s the REAL ticket.
Well I guess I have to give away my secret…chocolate.
Really.
And a good laugh. You gotta break me down piece by piece. THEN you could do the love song.
If you were going to have an article written for a climbing magazine about you tomorrow what would you want it to be about?
Probably hard sport. I just started sport climbing and it’s rad. I normally don’t climb more than 15 feet. So I would love to one day be able to climb more than 15 feet of hard sport without forgetting to clip or forgetting my harness. That happens occasionally
What’s your favorite and least favorite thing about living in Boulder?
My favorite is being able to cross the street without looking whenever I damn well please and… It’s a utopia! There is so much at your fingertips. My least favorite are the Haters. For a town that reps peace and love there are quite a few people who look down upon you for being too cliche. I really like drinking Kombucha, doing yoga, and going to the Mountain Sun. No need to poke fun. I also don’t like it when people cross the street right in front of me when I’m driving. I mean come on!

Figure1-limit being a douche

Granny Clipping/Chuffing

As illustrated in figure 1, granny clipping (aka, chuffing on a draw), involves grabbing the dogbone (for dear life if you’re me), screaming at your belayer for slack and desperatly throwing the rope into the biner.

Use: When you’re pumped, can’t clip like a man, or are otherwise scared shittless.

Pros: Granny clipping can give you an a mini toprope for working hard sections. It can also keep you from decking or taking falls in dangerous sections when you can’t clip from a free stance.

Cons: You look like a weak idiot.

Limit’s warning: Never fall while grabbing a draw. It makes you look like a super douche. Trust me, everybody at the crag saw it and they all hate you. A 6-12 month sabbatical from the climbing scene in question is suggested.

Stay tuned. Next week, FOTB continues!

Rifle

When people think of Rifle, they think of what could only be called “A Scene”: shirtless posers, loser spraylords, dumb beta scammers, belay gumbies, non-pimps, overly self-conscious females who annoyingly whisper to each other while sitting on rope bags, dreadlocked trip-hoppers, and the gaper choads of climbing gyms who have everything to prove and nothing to lose by talking as loudly as possible.

Guess what? In this case, people are completely right. (How often does that happen?)

Rifle IS a Scene. It’s fucking annoying. At least to me, a “local,” which is to say that my opinion overrides the opinions of just about everyone reading this.

On weekends, I am forced to park in butt-fuck-istan (aka The Bauhaus) with all the chossers and Mexicans. Then, I have to walk up to 10 minutes just to go wait in line to climb my favorite warm-up, Rehabilitator (5.11c). This is Not Fucking Cool! I hate walking. If I wanted to walk, I would get on a treadmill and drink apricot smoothies and smell my own farts. Rather, I want to fall out of my car into my harness and, in an instant, be pissing all over Your Project (5.easy).

Some say that the climbing in Rifle is pretty fun. These people have never been to France or Mallorca, where there is actual quality stone and beautiful scenery. Those who have been abroad and still think that Rifle is good need to be Danza slapped.

Climbers go to Rifle for the same reason that gay men sign up for priest seminary school: To hate themselves by repressing their most intrinsic nature. Rifle is not a place to Send—it’s a place to suffer, suck and fail. Crushing your psyche into a bitter, vestigial ego totally describes the climbing experience here.

Arguably, the best part of Rifle may be how many climbers with vaginas it attracts. “Females,” as they are otherwise known, may be showing increasing presence throughout the climbing community (especially compared to the 1970s, when you could count the number of Climber Girls on one cloven hoof), but nowhere do you find a higher concentration of Girls Who Crush than at Rifle.

This canyon is a fantastic place to socialize and flirt, and that (not the climbing) is certainly the strongest attraction for many. This is why you rarely see people leading, and more often see gumbies hanging out by their big, stupid camper-cars with annoying little stove-and-cooler set-ups, sniffing each other’s crotches like a pack of wild dogs.

Big fucking deal. Anyone can tighten their harness leg loops to make their baby dicks look bigger, but not everyone can interact with members of the opposite sex. You don’t see many Rifle climbers, say, “rollin’ up on dat shorty and spittin’ hot fire.” Instead, Riflers play strange mindfuck games, like they do in sexually repressed Japan, such as projecting an adjacent route to their love interest. This works right up until the Female realizes that she climbs much harder than the Male, whose ego becomes even further crushed because of the gender prejudices concerning athletic performance that still linger among a majority of climber dudes. But again, having your ego crushed is the quintessential Rifle experience, so it’s fine.

The climbing here can best be described as “tricky.” Climbers take months or, not atypically, years before finally reducing a hard climb with enough kneebar trickery and dickhole jessery. In fact, what people “do” in Rifle is barely considered rock climbing in the Eastern bloc of Europe.

So what? This is America, which gives us the freedom to be Louder and Righter than anyone else. It’s the embodiment of this attitude and the freedom to yell “MEX-I-CO!” on the rare occasions I send something that continues to draw me back. Huh? Never mind, robot, and listen to what I say: Rifle is the best summer crag in the United States, and right now its “Scene” is one of the most fun, none-too-serious parties rocking the vertical ghetto.

If you know how to laugh at yourself, and more important, bring extra beer for Me, Rifle can be a pretty good time. I don’t know. There must be some reason that I spend every weekend there. Maybe I just enjoy hating myself. It was either Rifle or priest school.

CAMPING: Campsites are getting fuller and more crowded as the years go on. As a result, more cops come up to patrol on the weekends, which is BAD. Keep a low profile, and don’t do anything stupid. Rules are: no more than two cars and two tents per site.

Rifle is extremely busy and possibly dangerous. There was once a veritable holocaust of two unfortunate victims in a dumpster here. Hungry-looking bears have been spotted in the Wicked Cave. Old, worn draws have been known to slice ropes quicker than bushido blades. Fingers have been lost to desperate clips. Consider not coming to Rifle in the first place. There’s perfectly reasonable climbing in Clear Creek Canyon.

ACCESS: Rifle is open to climbing, but it doesn’t have to be. Keeping this place open means not being a Dumbasss Idiot. And by that, I mean: Don’t belay in the road at the Project wall. Pay the $5 entrance fee (or buy a season pass). Pay for your campsite ($7/night). Don’t park like an autistic loser in illegal spots. Clean up your trash. Don’t shit everywhere. Be friendly. Leave Me alone. And most importantly, keep your dog on a leash. Better yet, don’t bring your dog at all. I assure you that your pet is not as well behaved or cute as you think it is. Rifle’s crag dogs are often annoying and always wet. If this were Mexico, they’d be shot.

PROJECTING ATTITUDE: You’re not special, no one cares about you, and what you are doing is not badass. People climbed all of these routes over a decade ago, before there were gyms to train in. They also didn’t have 15 years of beta refinement from which you now so thoughtlessly rely upon to climb even the most straightforward routes. Leave the attitude at home, in the Front Range, where it belongs.

MUST-DO ROUTES: There’s nothing worth climbing here under 5.13b. Still, some gumbies say they like: Pinch Fest (5.12b), Hand Me the Canteen Boy (5.12d), Cardinal Sin (5.12a), Choss Family (5.11c), Rumor Has It (5.11b) and Do The Mashed Potato (5.7). Other favorites include: Anti-Phil (5.13b), Sprayathon (5.13c), Fluff Boy (5.13c), Pump-o-Rama (5.13a), I’m Not a Philistine (best 5.12c in canyon), Sometimes Always (5.13c), Simply Read (5.13d) and Zulu (5.14a).

Avoid: Cryptic Egyptian (5.13c). It’s a zero-star pile of glued shit.

Check out Dave Pegg’s brand-new guidebook to Rifle (and other Western Slope choss piles), which should be arriving in stores this week. Notable changes to the guidebook include downgrading The Beast to 5.12d and upgrading Roadside Prophet to 5.14a.

REST-DAY ACTIVITIES: Cleaning up trash. Brushing chalk off of my projects. Replacing old, worn draws by contributing your brand new ones.

Before last week, I had never heard of Misty Murphy, but wig wanted to do an interview with her. So, I checked out her myspace, her 8a, searched for youtube videos of her, looked and failed to find flickr and friendster accounts. I hacked the interpol database and repositioned satellites, all in an attempt to dig up a little background information (I’ve never actually done an interview before. I was scarred.) Here are the facts: she’s not just a climber, but a climber who cranks. She’s also the singer/songwriter of some pretty dope stuff. Her personality? Well, I guess that’s what the interview was for. Enjoy!

Limit: Good morning!
Misty: Good morning to you!
Limit: Sorry I’m moving kinda slow this morning. You know how Friday nights treat you.
Misty: Ha! story of my life!
Limit: Ok so I guess I need to start with some boring bio questions.
Misty: k
Limit: Is Misty Murphy your real name?
Misty: Yes.
Limit: How lucky you have a name that alliterates.
Limit: Age? Don’t answer if you don’t want to…
Misty: 39. I’m not afraid. I’m a cougar!
Limit: Zodiac sign?
Misty: Pisces.
Limit: Alcoholic beverage of choice?
Misty: Indica IPA, Lost Coast Brewery.
Limit: Never heard of that one, but hell yeah to IPAs.
Misty: IPAs. Yes. High alcohol content. You have to drink only a few. I love red wine too.
Limit: So it seems you’re a pretty successful singer and climber.
Misty: I guess that is all in what you consider successful.
Limit: I suppose, but if you’re releasing albums and having fun you are doing better than than a lot of people.
Misty: Oh yeah. I’m totally happy. But I’m also hyper critical of myself.
Limit: I’m sure that has its pluses and minuses–being your own worst critic. How long have been in the music biz?
Misty: I started playing in front of people at 14. I wrote and performed my first song at a school talent show. But I guess I didn’t start taking it seriously until 9 years ago.
Limit: oohhh talent shows. I wanted juggle torches. They weren’t psyched.
Misty: That would be rad!
Limit: So obviously climbing and music are both pretty important to you. Is it hard to balance both of them? (This balance question is probably the most over-asked interview question ever but I felt I had to do it…)[wig: because I told him too]
Misty: They actually compliment each other. I have times when I focus more on climbing or the music. So it is good for me to have both or else I become too obsessed with one. like playing live is so much like redpointing. If I think I’m going to screw up…I will for sure!
Limit: I’m not a musician but I think I see what you mean.
Misty: But you are climber.
Limit: Practice practice practice and then try to DO it.
Misty: Exactly.
Limit: So it kinda sounds like both passions kinda naturally balance each and helps to keep you sane and prevents an unhealthy obsession with either.
Misty: Yes. I have all of these energy. If I didn’t have climbing and music I would probably just smoke cigarettes and do heroin. (I don’t do either just for the record)
Limit: haha. I have climbing and cigarettes. Maybe I should take up music.
Misty: lol
Misty: I used to smoke. I miss it sometimes.
Limit: Good for you for quitting. Any upcoming gigs near Denver?
Misty: Nothing right now. I’m working on a summer tour which will most likely be a Philadelphia, New York, New Jersey thing.
Limit: So I’m a big fan of the Would You Rather game…WYR: be famous for music or climbing? And both isn’t an option
Misty: lol. shit. music.
Limit: Any reason why?
Misty: More bling and it would be fun to be in a music video. And have groupies.
Limit: How about a climbing music video? Like you ghost ride through Rifle.
Misty: That would be cool. I love rifle, but i think David Lee Roth already did the climbing/music vid. Very cheesy….
Limit: So speaking of Rifle…
Limit: What’s your favourite climbing area?
Misty: My home crag The Cathedral/Welcome Springs. But I love Rifle. It is such an amazing canyon.
Limit: The Cathedral looks awesome.
Misty: It is. So much to do. It is totally hidden. It’s great. The locals (non-climbers) here in St.Gizzle don’t even know it exists. And it’s a huge cave out in the middle of nowhere.
Limit: Oooohh. A cave. Werd.
Limit: So I’m gonna guess that you’re mostly a sport climber. Slap me if I’m wrong.
Misty: Yep. Whoosy sport climber
Limit: Do you dabble/crush in any other discipline?
Misty: I dabble in cracks and I like bouldering. Not so much crushing going on in those areas though.
Limit: Crushing cracks is hard.
Misty: Hell yeah.
Limit: Especially Indian Creek cracks.
Misty: Isn’t that place cool? I want to be a hippie crack climber in my next life.
Limit: haha. Indian creek is awesome. But the desert rats rule.
Misty: Quit shaving quit showering. Stare at my rack at night… (Not the rack.)
Limit: …and just stumble around in the cactus tripping on mescaline dreaming about offwidths? You could do that in this life.
Misty: lol. Maybe when I’m old and don’t care about shaving any more.
limit: So… according to your 8a, you sent route called Brewskies after a night of drinking. was that planned? I hope it was.
Misty: lol. Well I drink almost every night. But not champagne. Not planned.
Limit: I gotta give you props though for the send formula: Drink champagne night before. Pass out. Wake up. Drink coffee. Eat one coconut chocolate zone bar. Eat half of rotten banana on way to cliff. Borrow chalk from the closest Canadian. Pet the dog. Send.
Sounds almost like me. Just substitute beer and a gas station hot dog for the champagne and zone bar.
Misty: You’re not the first person who has told me that. But not the hot dog part.
Limit: Well I’m actually from Oklahoma so my diet is a little on the, uh unhealthy side sometimes. People in boulder shake their heads and stare.
Misty: Oh yeah? What do okees eat?
Limit: Junk food. Gas station hot dogs, MacDonalds, things with lots of fat and cholesterol. Nothing organic.
Misty: Awesome. Stay away from spinach. I got e coli from some a couple weeks ago
Limit: Noted.
Misty: I am sticking to ding dongs and Doritos from now on
Limit: yes! So I’m curious, would you give up drinking if you were guaranteed to send a full NUMBER grade harder?
Misty: I have prayed about that question and the answer came back “no!” straight from God. Would you?
Limit: Maybe but I think I can climb another number grade AND keep boozin’. You may be the only person I’ve ever met who says God told them to keep drinking.
Misty: lol.Mine is a very fair and kind God.
Limit: Which God?
Misty: You know. The one that looks like he’s been hangin’ out at Indian Creek. long beard, unkempt……
Limit: ahh. When was Earl Wiggins deified?
Misty: exactly

So yo. Check out her myspace. You can hear more of her music on last.fm And you can buy albums on amazon.com