Cute Climber Girl of the Week #2
posted by wig
This week we have a very special Cute Climber Girl of the Week. It’s very special because she is going to be Pimpin’ and Crimpin’s newest contributor. Some of you savvy readers may have seen her new contributor picture down below and already deduced this. Congratulations. You were correct.
We had an outcry apparently for a female contributor and somehow we convinced Caroline Treadway to join our crew of unruly climbing bandits. I thought it appropriate (despite what C-note here called a “conflict of interest”) that we usher in our newest pimper and crimper with this weekly high honor. So without further ado the adorable Caroline Treadway.
C-note: Hieeeeeeee! Have you seen the retarded policeman?
C-note: You’ve seen my workout videos, right?
I watched them both.
I think I was drunk when I did as well.
C-note: I’m developing a cult following.
Wig: That’s what we’re hoping for. A mass of people we can control to do our bidding
C-note: I can do that with my iPhone. It’s a little-known secret that one can control traffic lights via iPhone. It works 45 out of 50 times.
Wig: Teach me your sorcerous ways.
C-note: Well, what else do you want to know?
Wig: Well I want to know everything. Are you a witch?
C-note: No, I’m actually descended from elves.
Wig: I don’t believe it. An elfish person who can control traffic lights with your phone.
C-note: …midget elves—they’re SUPER small.
Wig: How’d you get to be so big then?
C-note: Genetic anomoly I guess.
Wig: Well. Your family must be proud.
C-note: Is that spelled right? Anomoly?
With an “a”
C-note: Thank you. It looked weird.
Wig: Did you see the new survey I put up on P&C?
C-note: Nice! That’s easy—who the fuck would give up sex? It’s the best thing ever.
Wig: I haven’t answered yet.
C-note: Ooooh, I thought about it for a second and maybe I’m not hardcore enough—ok fine, I’ll give up sex.
Wig: Our readers will be most upset.
C-note: We do need a few less people on the planet…
Wig: So C-note. Let’s run through some standard CCGOTW questions.
C-note: Nice acronym. Sure hit me.
Wig: Sharp as a tack you are, glad you caught it.
Alright. Full name:
C-note: Caroline Treadway.
Wig: That was boring. You don’t have a middle name?
C-note: C-note; T-note
Wig: C-note T-note is your middle name or are you embarrassed?
C-note: Actually I have three.
Wig: You have three middle names…
C-note: …and, yes, I’m embarrassed. My dad keeps giving ‘em to me, changes my name whenever he wants.
C-note: F-ing lawyers. Do you want to know what they are? Rainbow, Love and Light.
Wig: Are you serious?
Wig: Respect points through the roofiez. Moving on.
C-note: Single. Is that a boring answer? I could make it better.
Wig: No it’s likely the most perfect answer.
C-note: Relationships are cool and all but…
and mad respect to those who make it work.
Wig: If a guy offers to buy you a drink in the bar what do you tell him to get you?
C-note: A whiskey coke—get your ups and your downs all in one! Then I ask him to stir the ice with his finger.
Wig: Favorite sexual position: (please say bionic seahorse)
C-note: Damn yer good—that’s exactly what I was going to say! Bionic seahorse in rough waters.
Wig: What number date is the first kiss permissible?
C-note: Depends how hot the guy is! Could be within the first five minutes. Or never.
Wig: What’s your favorite line from a rap song?
C-note: Can we come back to that one? I gotta think for a sec.
Wig: Surely. What would the perfect fortune cookie fortune say?
C-note: A porthole to another dimension is about to open in front of you, and something involving sex, maybe with aliens.
Wig: Mine would say: You can smoke forever and never have to quit because lung cancer will never touch your life and you’ll stop smelling like smoke so no one will mind that you’re taking part in such a disgusting habit.
C-note: Yeah, a porthole leading to an alien sex dimension—that would be crazy.
Wig: You really like sex huh?
C-note: See, women aren’t as complicated as they’re cracked up to be, but I’ll try and stop thinking about it, especially if I’m going on this celibacy binge so I can climb 5.16.
Wig: Oh, of course. Here I have a favorite rap lyric for you:
“I got a great idea, we should have sex, bitch I’m like Dante Hall, I just throw up the X.” It’s Lil’ Wayne.
Wig: What’s going to be the best part about being a contributor for P&C?
C-note: Seriously, independent media is the shit. Everyone’s got creative ideas but not everyone DOES anything with them. Ya know? Independent media is all about DOING IT. Collaborating with people, creating something totally unique for the masses minus any kind of authority figures…except editors I guess. That’d be you!
Wig: Would you be friends with a guy who listened to Lily Allen?
C-note: who the fuck is that?
(editor’s note: At this point I continued to listen to Lily Allen and sing most of the words.)
Wig: Well. Is there anything our readers should know about you?
C-note: Hmmmm. They should probably LOOK THE FUCK OUT!
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