Shit Climbers Say from Louder Than 11 on Vimeo.

The crew here would like to pay some respect to ice climbers. We went ice climbing. Well Bronco and Limit went ice climbing. I walked around like an idiot with 6 jackets on and my snowboarding pants and sneakers freezing my ass off while a spectacle of mini-epic proportions unfolded before my eyes.

As you all may have guessed, Team P and C has a special aversion to the cold. We like it comfortable. Sticky rock, climbing in t-shirts and belaying in jackets. That’s ideal right there. We like placing gear and clipping bolts. We don’t do the soloing thing too much, and run outs are alright on the right terrain. Anyway. Ice climbing doesn’t seem to have any of this which is ESPECIALLY troublesome for a bunch of bumblikins like us.

Here’s a list of things that happened yesterday:

1. We bumblefucked our way up the snowy hill trying to find a way to get to the top rope anchors but as the newbies we were got scared and couldn’t get to them.

2. A red-bearded fellow started his solo mission up the tiny falls we wanted to climb (which is terrifying to watch by the way…)

3. We spent at least an hour just banging the ice tools into the ice from the ground

4. We spent another hour just screwing, unscrewing and testing ice screws from the ground.

5. During the red-bearded fellows descent we throw our rope up to him and ask if he’ll put it into the anchor for us.

6. Red-bearded fellow takes off his crampons…(what?!)

7. Red-bearded fellow slips at the top and slides down a long rock ramp from the top falls another 10-15 feet, lands on his ass in the only spot not full of jagged icy death rocks with bewildered look on his face.

8. I resolve to never ice climb ever.

Oh you know them when you see them. And if you don’t know the ways to identify them there is a really good chance you ARE the bumbler.

1. Janglies

I don’t know how else to describe these things. They’ve always got them. It’s like little pieces of flair they attach to their harnesses and or backpacks. None of it is useful too. Like they’ll take an extra locking biner up a sport route, or their grigri. Or they decorate their school bags with carabiners and Nalgenes. Carabiners are not accessories! I know because I have one as a keychain. Instead of Occam’s razor I’m going to start calling it Sharma’s razor. Cut out everything that isn’t totally necessary e.g. get rid of the daisy chain thong. Really.

2. Deathwish

Why do you insist on standing underneath others while they are bouldering? Why do you insist on walking around in the gym oblivious to those climbing above you? Why do you walk around with that blank look on your face that really reveals what a lost cause implementing common sense will be?

3. Beta spray

Have you ever noticed how the beta being shouted at you is usually coming from the most unqualified giver? I know they (me) just shout it because they’re so damn excited to see someone climbing anything, but really do we have to hear it? It’s not even helpful. Unless of course you’re shouting bad beta because you want them to fall. Then it’s an entirely new category. These people are called haters. And they are very very small people (again… me).

4. Umbro shorts

I don’t know how or when this trend started. It once was cool to climb in little tiny shorts. We saw people like John Long wearing these things in old pictures. John Long can do it both because he had big balls and because half the time he wasn’t wearing a harness that framed said balls into a nice little package. Unless you’re applying for CCGOTW please put on something more substantial so when you’re inevitably hanging from the red-taped problem at the gym we don’t have to suffer your poor wardrobe selection.

5. Finds partners on Mountain project/rockclimbing.com

Why. On. Earth. For real. I don’t trust many of my friends to take me up “the edge.” So be wary when you see a request for partners that looks like this: “Hey, in town for a couple days. Have rack and rope. Looking for partners Lead up to 5.10 and follow 5.14b. Trad experience but would love a tour. Psyched to meet in the parking lot or the first time ever, entrust my life to you for a day mr. total stranger, and head out for a few pitches.”

Stay far far away.

6. Crack climbing in the gym

Ever met someone who was just a little too psyched to get “jamming milage” in the gym? Don’t get me wrong I think crack skills are fully a wonderful thing to possess but I’m not certain the gym is the place to obtain them… I’m especially not sure if you really need to be taping up to do it.

Next is the Adventure Film Festival happening around these parts again. From Novermber 12-14 there is a lot happening. What? You don’t believe me? There’s too much going on for me to even post in this post. You need to go here and check it out because it will no doubt be worth whatever it takes to get to these events. More to come on this, but for now it’s time for me to go drink some WHISKEY. And I promise tomorrow there will be some awesome new content for you.

1. Rifle

What you need: Orange stocking cap, white shirt, sense of humor, blue markers

Description: Oh my gosh we get the joke and at a climbing party you better hope they do too. Bonus if they don’t though. You’re still a bottle of Elmer’s

2. Verve girl

What you need: 1 Verve Lorelli bra, 1 pair Verve Magico shorts,  overconfidence

Description: Like I said up there, Halloween is a time when girls can wear whatever they want and walk around in public without the scorn and ridicule of all the judging eyes. Actually that’s not true. The sexy nurse, Dracula, Frankenstein will still get judged, but for some reason it’s okay. Anyway. Buy the pieces. Wear them out in a non-climbing situation where all functionality goes straight out the window. Have every male who’s ever seen a rock hit on you. Just remember to make your own drinks as to avoid that Rohypnol stuff.

3. A Climbing Gym

What you need: Some climbing holds, a way to attach them to your body, perverted creativity

Description: This is simple. Get some climbing holds, attach them to your body, get girls/guys to touch you. It’s kinda like being the Twister board. Instead of people saying “Right hand Red!” and either grabbing or pretending to grab your boobs/dick. They’ll be saying “I’m climbing the yellow route!” and actually grabbing a hold shaped like your boobs/dick.

4. Warren Harding

What you need: An attitude, a bottle of wine, some climbing gear

Description: Warren Harding is an icon. If you don’t know who he is then Wikipedia that fool because he’s rad (oh and make sure and Wiki the climber not the president). You just need some ratty clothes, a bottle of wine and a weathered-ass face that says “You wanna drink with me, but there’s no way you’d trusts me with a box of kittens.”

5. Royal Robbins

What you need: Glasses, Royal Robbins clothing, a “Warren Harding”

Description: Sure you can go and try to make a historical look out of this one but I mean he has a whole brand of clothing with his name on it. I say just buy some of that. Then if you’re lucky enough to have a Warren Harding you can both get drunk and bicker about bolts and purity for the rest of the night. This will be good because it’s doubtful anyone at the parties you went to will know who the fuck you are anyway.

6. Alpinetard

What you need: Janglies (that metal stuff climbers carry around), double ropes, Copy of Freedom of the Hills, debilitating social anxiety, sense that you’re better than everyone else

Description: To pull off this costume requires commitment because as we all know that’s what it takes to be a real alpine climber. You have to commit when you think the going gets tough. You suck it up and push for the summit. The summit in this case is to make everyone feel awkward. Start by wearing your alpine suit of tech gear, put a bunch of stuff in your back pack and start wandering around the party breathing heavily. At some point get some ice cubes and melt them for water with a small stove. No matter what when people talk to you or ask you what you are your only response should be “pure.” Even later set up your “tent” and have a restless sleep full of nightmares that make you awkward to hear from outside. Classic the whole way.

7. Cliff Hanger

What you need: Muscles, “Bolt gun”, John Lithgow

Description: Really any Sly character is going to make a good outfit but this one is brilliant! Tank top check, harness check, random looking gun that shoots bolts out of it! MUTHAFUCKIN CHECK!

8. Pro Hoes

What you need: Pro climber, 2+ Verve girls

Description: I’m still not even sure if these even exist yet in our sport like they do in skateboarding or snowboarding. I don’t think they do but they should. All you need is one guy to dress up like his favorite pro climber and get a bunch of girls to put on some revealing outfits and hang all over you all night. It’s like climbing version of dressing as a pimp for Halloween. But like the lady above make sure you get the “pro” to sign your body multiple times throughout the night instead of “chokin’ a bitch.”

9. Huberbaum

What you need: Jeans, Leather pants, overflowing amounts of radness

Description: You’ve seen these two around. They’re brothers, they’re German, they destroy things.  Find a partner, squeeze into those tight pants an let the drinks bring you deeper into a terrible German accent.

10. Stormtrooper

What you need: The outfit

Description: No He doesn’t climb but come on. That’s the coolest costume on the planet.

Limit came back from Rifle this year and explained to me that the new buzz word for the season in that steep canyon was “fitness.”  While we poked fun at how there always seems to be a little word that infiltrates the minds and hearts of the Rifle faithful each season, it donned on me that “fitness” is where it’s at.  Whether you’re a route climber, alpinista, boulderer, etc. we can all use a little more “fitness” to accomplish our goals.  Enter Movement gym, whose motto happens to be “climbing+fitness.”

This plastic Eden finally landed in Boulder, CO during the summer months this year when most climbers were tending their outdoor projects.  To the chagrin of some, the long awaited facility busted on the scene with weekend of FREE climbing, BBQ, and other Grand Opening activities.

“Another Gym in Boulder?”  The naysayers were out there, I heard’em, however, I seem to see those same people tied in to the steep Voyager wall that now looms over the main section of Movement.  Let’s just say this, once you see the place, you will more than likely wanna slip those climbing booties on and get after some good ole plastic pullin.

Let’s check off the top five reasons that YOU should be climbing at Movement:

1.  Peer Pressure.  Let’s be honest, it’s new, it’s hip, you’ll be a cool kid if you set foot in the place.

2.  Energy.  The psych from this vault of awesomeness is literally oozing from the walls.  Fact:  if you’re psyched you will climb better.

3.  Modernity.  Exercise equipment has cable television built in!  This may even get me on the treadmill.

4.  Routesetters.  I mean a gym can only be as good as its setters right?  I don’t care how many buckets of nifty little plastic holds you have or how steep your walls are, its gotta be bolted down with some experience and creativity.  Well, Movement has the setting situation on lockdown!  Don’t you even worry bout it, just go and climb that shizzy!

5.  Greenieness.  I small bird told me that Movement is the most environmentally friendly building in Boulder!  Say What?  Another bird, or maybe the same one also told me that their energy bill for last month was $19!

6.  Affordable memberships.  Memberships include cycling classes, yoga classes, state of the art Techno Fitness Equipment,  and yes, of course, climbing.

7.  Website.  Scope the site here.  Up-to-date information on the haps of the gym, great gallery, and climber profiles.  Track your route progress via the Redpoint section of the site.

8.  Towels.  I love fresh towels, go ahead, ask for one at the desk you’ll get it!

Okay, so I went beyond my 5 points, but that should let you know how sick this place is.  Prediciton:  after a winter of boulderites climbing in this gym the website known as 8a.nu will explode, which in turn, will make the universe explode.

There’s more to “training” than just screwing around in the gym, which is usually what I do.  If you really want to get serious about things, then check the variety of programs, teams, classes and one-on-one private instruction by the professional and psyched coaches and trainers at Movement.  You want it, They have it.

Here’s the details on Rates, Directions and the like…By clicking you are agreeing to go to Movement and work on that Fitness…CLICK NOW!

Here’s some official photos that should have you salivating to become a strong gym rat.  Thanks to wadedavid.com for sending these our way.

We made it a photo essay. Hope you enjoy.

This is the SH58 crevasse. There’s a permanent bridge put up just like those ladders in Everest.

The lonely road to advanced base camp.

Bronco building a snow cave for us to sleep in.

Paying respect to the fallen that have braved this ruthless ascent too.

Strange animal tracks. Like a yeti in a wheel chair or something.

Our Sherpas taking the sharp end and blazing the trail for us.

A little bit of technical rock to cross before getting back on the ice as we near the summit.

THE SUMMIT!!!

Unfortunately the summit registry was closed and I didn’t think anyone will believe that we made it there. That’s what the photo evidence is for. FUCK THAT. negative.

Tonight you all tip your glasses to the Alpine sector and all those involved. They climb that shit so we don’t have to.

Name:

How long have you been climbing?
Since I was in middle school, but not seriously, just a couple trips and rock gyms.
Where’s the best place you’ve traveled for climbing?
Strictly for climbing? Well I’d say probably Hueco Tanks.
What do you when you aren’t climbing?
I play soccer and run track for OBU
What do you run?
Well I run anything between the 400 and the 1600, but I’d say the 800 is my race. I’m not a big track fan, it bores me to run in circles, but it pays the bills.
Running is paying the bills? Are you all scholarshipped?
Well, actually soccer pays for pretty much all my school, but track helps out as well
What’s the best thing about climbing in Oklahoma?
I’d say the best thing is looking forward to climbing somewhere other than in Oklahoma…
Ouch!
No, Oklahoma isn’t that bad. There is more than you’d think actually.
What’s the best part about being a climber girl?
It’s a great way to chill with some really cool people and chill in some really beautiful areas just havin’ fun.
That’s the best part about being a girl?
Ha, I guess I couldn’t think of anything gender specific, sorry.
What’s the dumbest thin you’ve ever done under the influence?
I’m under 21 so you know I’m not supposed to be under the influence yet…
What did you think of Where the Wild Things Are?
Super trippy kids movie!!! Really one of the strangest i’ve ever seen.
What are you going to be for Halloween?
Well, I’m trying to convince my boyfriend to shave of his beard and keep the mustache and be goose and I will be Maverick from Topguna. We’ll see if it works out.
If you were going to be the hot heroine in a horror movie which one would you be ?
A horror movie,  that’s a tough one. Maybe Jessica Biel in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre because she’s the only one who lives, so she must be bad A.
What’s the best thing about Halloween and being in college?
Together or separately?
Together, you know like you can’t exactly trick-or-treat anymore…
I did last year and it was great, just a little awkward when you find a grump who thinks you’re too old, but they still give you candy. I don’t think I will trick-or-treat this year though. It’s hard to find people who are willing to do it with you.
If you had to choose one movie to watch on repeat for rest of your life which one would you choose?
I’m gonna go with A Knights Tale. It’s got everything you need: eye candy, comedy, love, drama and action.
If you could have one animal as a pet that would not normally be a pet what would you domesticate?
A hippo, so cute and chubby.
Like the full size?!
Well, if I could have a miniature that would probably be better.
Leave us with some great bit of knowledge.
This is cheesy but love is all we need, just like the song!

First up for all you people who like rad things, Conrad Anker and Jimmy Chin are speaking tonight at the boulder theater about some badassery. It should be worth checking out. Shit it’s my birthday today and I STILL might go just because it’s going to be that awesome. Check the details here.

Next, two more crazy ass alpinetards are talking about more crazy stuff they do in the high altitude. Jim Whittaker and Ed Viesturs are speaking on the Mountain Film Tour in Golden at the American Alpine Club theater. This one isn’t happening until tomorrow though. So if you’re into this kind of thing you should definitely check it out. Me? I’m happy these guys play in the snow so I don’t have to. Leaves me free to plug gear closer to sea level or clip bolts with an approach less harrowing. Find out the info on this event here.

Last on the list is this wonderful new video series our friends over at Spadout.com are doing with Timmy O’Neill. They are going to start posting up an episode of Timmy Tuesday each, you guessed it, Tuesday. They should be entertaining so be sure to hit up the site On November 10th which is, as I understand it when the episodes start.  Anyway!

This is the trailer and below that is an exclusive look at the new series.

Name: Taylor

Age: 19

Location: Boulder, CO

Hometown: Richmond, VA

How do you like Boulder?

I love it!  it’s beautiful, and I feel like there is literally good climbing ten minutes in any direction except east. Then its about 22 hours to really good climbing
What kind of climber are you and where do you like climbing the most?
I’m a route climber, and I can’t get over crimpy, face routes…very girly…and I love the New River Gorge more than any other place that I have ever climbed
except I don’t climb very girly-esque…I just really like crimps.
What are your training plans for the winter. Are you gonna work on your fitness like the rifletards do?
Haha HELL yeah.  Actually I don’t know…climb everday?  Is that a training plan?  There are a bunch of stuff I want to send at the New, so I guess technique and

getting my endurance back after bouldering for a year. I also see people run sometimes. That’s inspiring, but not quite inspiring enough.
What do you think about Verve shorts?
Um,  I’d go with kind of awesome and not appropriate. I mean who doesn’t want to climb naked?  Honestly.
Men everywhere salute you i’m sure of it. How do you deal with boys that hit on you in the gym?
I talk about my boyfriend.
I’ve never actually seen that be an effective means of repulsion…
Yeah…i’m also good at being awkward, so that sometimes scares them off, and if that doesn’t work then I just get them to belay me. One time I told a guy my boyfriend would beat the shit out of him if he didn’t stop bothering me, but that was a special case haha.

Geeze. What did he say to that?
I mean, he stopped bothering me.   I’m not a jerk I swear!  He was just being really obnoxious.
If you could be any rapper for a day who would you?
Easy-E. Without a doubt. He’s a badass and the leader of N.W.A.  and I’ve always wanted to be from Compton…
Virginia to Compton… I don’t see it, but whatever you think. Do you snowboard or ski or anything?
I snowboard!
Which is your favorite mountain out here?
Thats I hard one, I’ve had my worst and best days at Vail, but overall I would say

that Keystone is my favorite, Breck is a close second.
Have you climbed out of the country yet?
Kind of.  It’s a little shameful.  I went to Greece with my mom and forced her to let me climb, but I only ended up doing a 5.5 multipitch route with a climber I found at a restaurant. It was multipitch though, which is always good, and we got an amazing view of Meteora, Greece.
What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re not climbing?
Quite honestly?  Cuddling is my second favorite activity I literally spend atleast 2 hours cuddling a day.
I feel like that’s a lot of wasted time… two hours. I mean… come on.
Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time at all…or something like that. Regardless its definitely not wasted!  It’s my 2nd favorite activity!

What are you majoring in?
Environmental engineering with a minor in geology.
You like rocks a lot huh?
I was literally just about to say that I like rocks.
Well, I can’t htink of anything else to ask you and this interview is really more of a formality anyway. Any words of wisdom you can leave us with? Anything really awesome we shoudl know about you?
I teach kids how to climb all summer and the most common words of wisdom I

give is telling middle schoolers to wear deoderant, so wear deoderant!  Climb routes, don’t boulder, go to the New and cuddle for at least 2 hours each day.