WTF?

People who quit smoking are annoying. They are really proud and loud. They talk incessantly about their great “feat”, which nobody else gives a shit about. They are like somebody who just redpointed their first 5.8 trad line. They sit they and tell you every move, every piece of gear and it never crosses their mind that nobody else cares. We all pretend to care. We all congratulate them. It’s like conversion stories Christians have about getting “saved.” Every Christian has one. None of them are interesting.

Anyway, that’s just the long way of saying that I’m about to annoy the hell out of you with something you don’t care about.

A couple months ago I was really bored and I, along with half of humanity, posted a note on facebook called “25 things about me,” which is a list of 25 completely boring facts about yourself which you think the entire world ought to be aware of but which are actually of no interest to anybody. Number 2 on my list was “sometimes I think I’m too honest.”

When I originally wrote that I meant it along the lines of “I should lie about my income on adultfriendfinder.com to get laid.” But that point is actually proving to be a lot more powerful than I first imagined. This last Saturday, I went to this River Days thing in downtown Boulder. This is a very strange event that is like the retarded bastard child of a redneck county fair and a yuppie’s wet dream about organic fields of gluten free rice cakes. I had just polished off a funnel cake and was licking the grease and powdered sugar of my fingers when I was informed that the Kashi tent was giving away free shit—food, little canvas bags, and a Feel Good About Yourself daypass. Normally, I would never enter the Kashi tent. It’s not that I don’t like organic healthy food. I do, kinda. Partly I have a hard time giving a shit. Mostly, I’m too poor to afford it, so I pretend I hate it.

Anyway. The reason I went in their was because I was still hungry and they were giving away free food AND they were giving away these little cloth shopping bags like the ones that people in at the Spot or Rifle use to carry around their snacks. It’s a subtle mark if hipness. I wanted one of those bags. In order to get that bag, you first had to go around to all these little booths where they indoctrinated you about the virtues of unbleached whole grain flower, the evil of genetically engineer food and a thousand other reasons you should spend 5 times as much for a box of cereal.

I didn’t really care. I wanted that bag.

The last hurdle before my little bag was this booth where you had fill out a questionnaire asking if you would make an effort to be healthier this week through eating better, healthier activities or other shit I can’t recall.

The Kashi Attendant

Normally, I would have checked the “NO” box. But the attendant was this chick who was HOT. I mean really hot. The kind of hot that turns most guys into cavemen retards who blather like a 4 month old with down syndrome. I was about to check the “NO” box, but I could feel her judging eyes piercing the top of my head. To me, that stare said “If you check that box, if after all this evangelizing you still remain unsaved from your unhealthy ways, I will not sleep with you.” To anybody else, that stare was one of utter boredom and she wasn’t going to sleep with me anyway. I was too blind to see that and some idiotic part of my brain seemed to think that if I promised to stuff my mouth with Kashi, this girl would be so impressed overcome with gratitude that she would immediately stuff her mouth with me.

The part of my brain that says “do whatever you can to sleep with anything blond and a C cup or larger” kicked in and I promised Kashi that I would become a healthier person. Unfortunately, I’m too broke to buy better food. I’m too lazy to start running. And I’m honest to a fault. Thus, unable to break my promise to Kashi and the big busted blond I’ll never see again, I quit smoking.

If you’ve been debating upon your next bouldering destination, look no further than Morrison! With over 80 problems and 945 variations to those 80 problems, Morrison has something for everyone. Whether you’re a circus clown or V14 hard(wo)man, the climbing here is, well, eccentric. With areas such as the Black Hole and The Lobby, Morrison should NOT be overlooked.

When approaching this area it’s easy to get overwhelmed by Morrison’s aesthtic nature, friendly locals, and quality stone. Have no fear, let’s break it down.

As you ascend near the crag, the Lobby is your best bet for a good warmup. To blend in with the local scene make sure your feet stay ABOVE the chalk line and NEVER mantle out these problems. As the blood starts to flow and you are getting in “the moment” drag your pads up to the Black Hole. Notably, the BH is the main “hang” at Morrison. Glean as much beta from the yokals so your flash attempt on Helicopter and Cytogrinder will be duly noted as legitimate in the official book of Morrison Eliminate Bouldering. If you’re told to keep your right pinky finger off the 3rd crimp on a problem, DO IT, or be chastised forever by the Elders of Morrison.

Literally, you can spend decades whittling out variation after variation to problems in the Hole, and people have. Why go elsewhere when the climbing at Morrison is SO good? So, now you have sweaty fingertips and a jonesin to pack the pad and get gritty in Morrison, let’s talk logistics.

Camping: N/A

Season: Summer

Eats: The Fort

Wildlife: Rattlesnakes and Urban Denverites getting there adventure on!

So, come on Down! The Morrison season is upon us, don’t miss out!

Tick List:

1. Helicopter, V5

2. Breashears Crack, V1 – 10 (depending on which holds you use)

3. Air Jordan, V5

4. Holloway’s route, V7

These are just the tip of the iceberg. Oh, there is bouldering on the South side of the road, but the approach is WAY more involved and the climbing is not near as good.

Old School.

If you’ve been to Indian Creek, Utah, then you obviously know it’s unlike any other climbing destination in the world!  I think Indian Creek is where climbers get the egregiously abused term “splitter,”  which typically means “that is awesome.”  Aside from building climbing vernacular, Indian Creek is good for other stuff too, like beautiful wingate parallel sided cracks that you can climb and have fun doing so!  So lube up your camming devices, learn how to fabricate tape gloves, and get your little red slippers, we’re going to The Creek!

Crack climbing at Indian Creek is unlike anything you’ve ever attempted at your local area.  Indian creek’s splitters, corners, offsets and towers are as good as it gets for gear placing tradsters.  Would you like to climb handcracks?  Check.  Fingers?  Check.  Offwidth?  Check.  Let’s face it, Wingate Sandstone crack climbing is the SHIT!  The Creek is all about long days in the sun either thrutching or sending (depending on your skillz), arguing about hand size and grades, that classic IC sunset, and cheap beer around the camp fire (probably still blabbering about grades and hand sizes).  

Located outside Moab, Utah blah blah blah.  You know where it is.  You’ve seen that Peter flick about it.  Let’s just say, drop what you think you should be doing, cancel your bouldering plans, borrow every scrap piece of camming gear that your friends have and head out to Indian Creek!  Motivation below.  

Stefka

You climb here.

Optimator

The Rack

 Photos Courtesy of:  moabdesertadventures and highinfatuation

Typical Shelf scene

Canon City, America, home to Ortega’s (best New Mexican Food outside New Mexico), Colorado’s largest Penitentiary (known as the Alcatraz of the Rockies), and Shelf Road rock climbing!  Probably Colorado’s best, most expansive face climbing area, Shelf Road hosts hundreds and hundreds of routes with a little something for everyone.  Experience the Vertical Beach this winter, jump for more info on Shelf…

I was first introduced to Shelf a couple years ago during the dead of winter here on the front range.   While most urban yippees like us were headed up to the mountains in search of powder and snow bunnies my friends and I were seeking sun and pocket pulling pleasure.  Shelf Road has been the winter oasis for front range climbers for years.  The dead vertical dolomite crags beg to be climbed on.  On a sunny day climbers can be climbing in t-shirts while the actual air temp lurks in the 30′s and 40′s.

If you are looking to up your onsight tick list, this is the place to get dirty.  Most routes are as straight forward as the come.  In fact, most beta invovles crimp, pocket, high step, repeat.  Although that may sound somewhat boring, you would be surprised how accomplished you can feel when you onsight 4 or 5 routes at your limit in a weekend.  False confidence? Does it translate to other areas?  Who the fuck cares!  If it gets you psyched, then do it. Once you get in the Shelf groove, you may surprise yourself at how hard you can pull down on the onsight.

So, Shelf is a good to great climbing area.  Warm temps in winter, accomadating routes for everyone, and easy access, what does this mean?  Crowds!  Shelf can, and is slammed most weekends that the weather is half way decent.  Crews of gumbies clash with crews of hardmen and women, dogs barking, full campsites, parties, families, you may just see it all if you decide to go to the Shelf.  However, this author thinks it is well worth the scene.  As with any crowded area, you can often find some solace at less attractive, but just as worthy cliffs.

Let’s talk camping.  Shelf is situated in a kinda high desert plateau region, so with the warm winter days, comes cold winter nights.  However, the camping is pretty chill with porta-johns, group sites, picnic tables, and fire rings.  If you do what Wig, Limit, and myself do and forget all kinds of food, then Canon City has a McDonald’s conveniently located approximately 17 minutes from Campsite 10 at the Bank campground.

You can post up your camp at the Sand Gulch which is the first turn off when you get to the crag, or you can keep driving up the wash board road to the Bank campsites.  Each area has 1 group site that accomadates 20 people and is $8 a night, the other sites accomadate 10 people and are $4 a night.  If you are planning on climbing at Cactus, The Bank, The Dark Side, The Vault, the Gym, or The Cash Wall, your best access point is from the Bank campgrounds.  All other areas are better accessed from the Sand Gulch Campground.

Eats:  Ortega’s!  This is the shit, no lie, you have to eat here.  Try the Stuffed Sopapilla for entree and for desert you must have the Xanga (cheesecake stuffed sopapillas with caramel ice cream and drizzled in caramel)!

Rest Day Activities:  Cripple Creek is just a short drive up shelf road through a pretty amazing canyon.  Gambling abounds in this town.  Enough said.

Okay, The Must Do’s:

1.  Back to the Future 11b/c, The Bank

2.  No Future for the Timid 11d, The Bank

3.  Heavy Weather 12a/b, The Bank

4.  LaCholla Jackson 5.9, Cactus Cliff

5.  Lat’s Don’t Have Feelings 11d, Cactus Cliff

6.  Tit’s Up 12b, Cactus Cliff

7.  Menses 10d, Menses Prow

8.  The Mural 12c, Mural Wall

9.  The Gym Arete 12a, The Gym

10.  Morning Stretch 11c, The Gym

Shelf harnesses so many 4 star routes that this list would be ridiculous, go climb there and make your own list, these are just my favorites.

Last bit of advice for you shelf desirer’s, get the guide book!  Shelf is a decently big place and the folks over at Sharp End have done a bang up job with the Shelf Book.  Click Here to buy it!

Fig. One: The Trango Squid

Sometime in the dawn of the prehistoric age, man began using sticks as tools. Whether as clubs or drawing tools, the stick became essential to Caveman’s survival. Interestingly, I find that there are striking similarities between sport climbers and Caveman: they sit around in the dirt, they employ similar mating rituals (mostly grunting and flexing). They also both love their sticks. You probably think I’m full of shit, but in reality, I have been in contact with several prominent anthropologists regarding these similarities.

But what, the trad climbing choss monger asks, could a sport climber want with a stick? Apparently, you missed the Squid
sensation. Attached to a stick, this handy device allows the would be hardman to clip any lower bolts on a route. With creativity, the resourceful sport climber can fashion his own stick clip from items found in almost any crag pack. See figure one.

Fig. Two: The ersatz stick clip (chockstone.org)

Pros: It will keep you bones intact. Pretty much anybody with a beating heart and opposable thumbs can can do it. Actually, opposable thumbs might not even be necessary. Unlike the rodeo clip (coming in the next installment) stick clipping works great on routes without fixed draws.)

Cons: Pretty much anybody can do it. which means it won’t help you Cool Status. You also have to either find a stick or wonder around the crag with an aluminum pole that makes you look like some kind of postmodern John Muir.

Philisophical Implications: During nearly every climbers career, ethical reservations about stick clipping are experienced. These feelings typically occure after (1) you visit an area with “strong traditional ethics” and historical testosterone starts to tug at your heartstrings leading you to do things you otherwise wouldn’t(2) you break your ankle and need a way to justify it (3) you start collecting back issues of the alpinist. And you read them. This series of events typically occures between years 2 and 5 of the climber’s career, meaning that stick clipping is typically employed by either noobs or those with enough experience to transcend silly ethical reservations about a preclipped bolt.

Giddy Up! The Wild West comes alive in Ten Sleep, Wyoming. From local Outlaws to Saloons to wide open vistas, Ten Sleep is the O.K. Corral of the Climbing world. Far from the “Scene” of Rifle, Ten Sleep is a much more relaxed destination. With so much rock, some developed and some awaiting development, it will make you want to slap your mama and say your favorite expletive! Sorry ma, I really don’t want to slap you.

This delightful Dolomite canyon has seen most of it’s concentrated activity from the mid to late nineties to the present. TS is a great destination crag for those of you that need or want more elbow room than you local crag. With 20+ walls and more on the way, TS is quickly becoming a must do on the would be Western Climber’s road trip itinerary. If you can’t make the TS this season, plan on a little known climber’s festival held there over the Fourth of July holiday next year. The festival has been growing in popularity the last few years and should be a darn tootin good time.

The Scene: Boys, don’t expect to saddle up a cragging filly in cute little boulder booty shorts, you’re more likely to see or rein in a dame that looks like she just hog-tied a goat and milked it. Exceptions do exist, like this chica in the photos, but I think she’s taken. Girls, watch yourselves at the crag, hungry female-starved males are lurking in the shadows, seriouslyHowever, if you are going to Ten Sleep for Rock Climbing, then you are in luck! There are plenty O’Rocks to climb and it’s fun too.

Ten Sleep’s crags are around 50 miles west of Buffalo, Wyoming. This is where you need to stock up on the essentials. There is an Outdoor/Sporting store in Buffalo that sells things like Ropes, Petzl draws, and harnesses, but don’t expect to get them cheap. Also, Buffalo is where you lose cell phone service for the next hundred miles west, so make your calls.

Before you go, you should probably buy the Ten Sleep guidebook, even though some of the info is incorrect, it’s still very useful in navigating your way around. Aaron Huey is the author and you can click here to find out where to purchase. Camping is free and pretty darn abundant on the Old Highway. If you are looking for more luxurious accomadations, there is a campground a few miles up canyon from the crag. Okay okay, here’s the shit you really want to know.

Must Do’s:

1. Beer Bong 5.10, although I didn’t get on this route, I assume it’s the area’s most heavily traveled climb.
2. Save the Best For Last 5.11 (Wall of Denial), climbs next to an ice cave that is seriously 20 to 30 degrees cooler than the outside temps. Great route!
3. Circus in the Wind 5.11 b/c (Circus Wall), classic 5.11!
4. Sleight of Hand 5.12a (Dry Wall), long and sustained, like most 12a’s in TS.
5. Great White Behemoth 5.12b (Supereratic Wall), top three sport pitches I have ever been on! Worth the seven our drive to do this route and visit this wall!
6. Happiness in Slavery 5.12b (Slavery), Classic 12b climbing on pockets and edges. An area favorite.
7. Center El Shinto 5.12b (French Cattle Ranch), I can’t say the word sick enough! French Cattle Ranch and Supereratic walls are two of the best looking sport walls out there!
8. Circus in My Pants 5.12d (Circus Wall), great route with the gaston mono-pocket! Sustained and awesome!
9. Exo-Atmospheric Kill Vehicle, aka EKV, 5.12c (Slavery), Pumpy, sustained, great!
10. Burden of Immortality 5.13a (Slavery), check the rope length! Long and cruxy.
11. Hellion 5.13c (Supereratic), Gorgeous is all I have to say!
12. Sky Pilot 5.13+ (French Cattle Ranch). Pretty much, do any route you can at this area!
13. Several 14 projects that need to be cleaned up for those of you that like monos, micro crimps, and long moves on steep rock!

Ten Sleep is legit! If you happen to run into some of the local yokal climbers such as Kevin or Alli, they are super-cool and will be happy to give you any updated beta on the area as well as direct you to the best that Ten Sleep has to offer. So, pack your rigs and head to Wyoming where the Ice Cream is as creamy and dreamy as the Dolomite!!

Rifle

When people think of Rifle, they think of what could only be called “A Scene”: shirtless posers, loser spraylords, dumb beta scammers, belay gumbies, non-pimps, overly self-conscious females who annoyingly whisper to each other while sitting on rope bags, dreadlocked trip-hoppers, and the gaper choads of climbing gyms who have everything to prove and nothing to lose by talking as loudly as possible.

Guess what? In this case, people are completely right. (How often does that happen?)

Rifle IS a Scene. It’s fucking annoying. At least to me, a “local,” which is to say that my opinion overrides the opinions of just about everyone reading this.

On weekends, I am forced to park in butt-fuck-istan (aka The Bauhaus) with all the chossers and Mexicans. Then, I have to walk up to 10 minutes just to go wait in line to climb my favorite warm-up, Rehabilitator (5.11c). This is Not Fucking Cool! I hate walking. If I wanted to walk, I would get on a treadmill and drink apricot smoothies and smell my own farts. Rather, I want to fall out of my car into my harness and, in an instant, be pissing all over Your Project (5.easy).

Some say that the climbing in Rifle is pretty fun. These people have never been to France or Mallorca, where there is actual quality stone and beautiful scenery. Those who have been abroad and still think that Rifle is good need to be Danza slapped.

Climbers go to Rifle for the same reason that gay men sign up for priest seminary school: To hate themselves by repressing their most intrinsic nature. Rifle is not a place to Send—it’s a place to suffer, suck and fail. Crushing your psyche into a bitter, vestigial ego totally describes the climbing experience here.

Arguably, the best part of Rifle may be how many climbers with vaginas it attracts. “Females,” as they are otherwise known, may be showing increasing presence throughout the climbing community (especially compared to the 1970s, when you could count the number of Climber Girls on one cloven hoof), but nowhere do you find a higher concentration of Girls Who Crush than at Rifle.

This canyon is a fantastic place to socialize and flirt, and that (not the climbing) is certainly the strongest attraction for many. This is why you rarely see people leading, and more often see gumbies hanging out by their big, stupid camper-cars with annoying little stove-and-cooler set-ups, sniffing each other’s crotches like a pack of wild dogs.

Big fucking deal. Anyone can tighten their harness leg loops to make their baby dicks look bigger, but not everyone can interact with members of the opposite sex. You don’t see many Rifle climbers, say, “rollin’ up on dat shorty and spittin’ hot fire.” Instead, Riflers play strange mindfuck games, like they do in sexually repressed Japan, such as projecting an adjacent route to their love interest. This works right up until the Female realizes that she climbs much harder than the Male, whose ego becomes even further crushed because of the gender prejudices concerning athletic performance that still linger among a majority of climber dudes. But again, having your ego crushed is the quintessential Rifle experience, so it’s fine.

The climbing here can best be described as “tricky.” Climbers take months or, not atypically, years before finally reducing a hard climb with enough kneebar trickery and dickhole jessery. In fact, what people “do” in Rifle is barely considered rock climbing in the Eastern bloc of Europe.

So what? This is America, which gives us the freedom to be Louder and Righter than anyone else. It’s the embodiment of this attitude and the freedom to yell “MEX-I-CO!” on the rare occasions I send something that continues to draw me back. Huh? Never mind, robot, and listen to what I say: Rifle is the best summer crag in the United States, and right now its “Scene” is one of the most fun, none-too-serious parties rocking the vertical ghetto.

If you know how to laugh at yourself, and more important, bring extra beer for Me, Rifle can be a pretty good time. I don’t know. There must be some reason that I spend every weekend there. Maybe I just enjoy hating myself. It was either Rifle or priest school.

CAMPING: Campsites are getting fuller and more crowded as the years go on. As a result, more cops come up to patrol on the weekends, which is BAD. Keep a low profile, and don’t do anything stupid. Rules are: no more than two cars and two tents per site.

Rifle is extremely busy and possibly dangerous. There was once a veritable holocaust of two unfortunate victims in a dumpster here. Hungry-looking bears have been spotted in the Wicked Cave. Old, worn draws have been known to slice ropes quicker than bushido blades. Fingers have been lost to desperate clips. Consider not coming to Rifle in the first place. There’s perfectly reasonable climbing in Clear Creek Canyon.

ACCESS: Rifle is open to climbing, but it doesn’t have to be. Keeping this place open means not being a Dumbasss Idiot. And by that, I mean: Don’t belay in the road at the Project wall. Pay the $5 entrance fee (or buy a season pass). Pay for your campsite ($7/night). Don’t park like an autistic loser in illegal spots. Clean up your trash. Don’t shit everywhere. Be friendly. Leave Me alone. And most importantly, keep your dog on a leash. Better yet, don’t bring your dog at all. I assure you that your pet is not as well behaved or cute as you think it is. Rifle’s crag dogs are often annoying and always wet. If this were Mexico, they’d be shot.

PROJECTING ATTITUDE: You’re not special, no one cares about you, and what you are doing is not badass. People climbed all of these routes over a decade ago, before there were gyms to train in. They also didn’t have 15 years of beta refinement from which you now so thoughtlessly rely upon to climb even the most straightforward routes. Leave the attitude at home, in the Front Range, where it belongs.

MUST-DO ROUTES: There’s nothing worth climbing here under 5.13b. Still, some gumbies say they like: Pinch Fest (5.12b), Hand Me the Canteen Boy (5.12d), Cardinal Sin (5.12a), Choss Family (5.11c), Rumor Has It (5.11b) and Do The Mashed Potato (5.7). Other favorites include: Anti-Phil (5.13b), Sprayathon (5.13c), Fluff Boy (5.13c), Pump-o-Rama (5.13a), I’m Not a Philistine (best 5.12c in canyon), Sometimes Always (5.13c), Simply Read (5.13d) and Zulu (5.14a).

Avoid: Cryptic Egyptian (5.13c). It’s a zero-star pile of glued shit.

Check out Dave Pegg’s brand-new guidebook to Rifle (and other Western Slope choss piles), which should be arriving in stores this week. Notable changes to the guidebook include downgrading The Beast to 5.12d and upgrading Roadside Prophet to 5.14a.

REST-DAY ACTIVITIES: Cleaning up trash. Brushing chalk off of my projects. Replacing old, worn draws by contributing your brand new ones.

The canyon, characters, bolts or lack there of, pins, flakes, towers, and history make Eldo one of the most famous rock climbing areas in the U S of A. This sandstone wonder-canyon can make men cry, women swoon, and send Euros packing. Located just south of the People’s Republic of Boulder, Eldo was the forefront of rock climbing for years and has since seen a resurgence in popularity among young, talented, and bold tradsters (aka, Eric Decaria, Matt Segal, Matt Wilder, Justen Sjong, or your basic front range freak). Climbing in Eldo can evoke sappy nostalgic emotions to climbing history buffs. Once the playground of Layton Kor, Larry Dalke, Pat Ament, Jim Ericson, Roger Briggs, and a host of other old school pimpers and crimpers, Eldo is a virtual rock climbing Smithsonian. Utilizing pins pounded into the conglomerate sandstone, the typical rock climber is clipping artifacts from days gone by. Nostalgic, but frightening!

While early generations stuck mostly to the obvious lines on the Redgarden Wall, Bastille, and the Wind tower, latter generations sought out harder lines at Rincon, West Ridge and then attacked the old aid routes as free climbing techniques developed. When sport climbing kicked off in America Eldo proclaimed drilling bolts as an evil act and banned their use in the park. Therefore, the observant Eldoradoer will recognize a lack of sport routes in the 5.13 and harder category. Save of course the classics which slipped in before the ban. Hard classic sport routes such as Rainbow Wall, The Web, and Desdichado do exist, however, Eldo is staunchly traditional and rightly so. The traditional lines that have been established in this canyon are proud. You may recognize a few of these names: The Yellow Spur, Bastille Crack, The Naked Edge, Jules Verne, Doub Griffith, blah blah, the list of classics is endless, well not really endless, but it’s really long.

With over 500 routes to her name, Eldo has a little something for everyone. Think you’re solid at a certain grade? Step up to the plate in Eldo and then we’ll talk. Face climbing with RP’s and micro-cams can humiliate and humble the average joe. Oh yeah, don’t forget two big brass balls when you rack up, chances are they will come in handy on a large percentage of Eldo routes. Multi-pitch madness, casual cragging, bouldering, it’s all wrapped up in a tight little canyon called Eldo, here on the front range.

Down to the nitty gritty. The must do’s for Eldo adventure seekers:

The Moderates: Bastille Crack 5.7, Wind Ridge 5.6, Ruper 5.7, Rewritten 5.7, and Reggae 5.7

The Semi-Moderates: Yellow Spur 5.9, Werk Supp 5.9, XM 5.10c, Outer Space 5.10, Rosy Crucifixion 5.10, Grand Giraffe 5.10, Super Slab 5.10c, Over the Hill 5.10, Rincon 5.10, Hand Craker Direct 5.10, and Deviant 5.9+

The More-Serious Moderates: Vertigo 5.11b, The Naked Edge 5.11, C’est Le Vie 5.11b, Jules Verne 5.11, Supremacy Crack 5.11b, Pansee Savauge 5.11b R, Le Boomerang 5.11d, Doub Griffith 5.11c, and the list goes on and on in this category.

The Scary and Hard: Wendego 5.12a, Genesis 5.12+, The Evictor 5.12d R, Scary Canary, 5.12+, Musta been High 5.13+, Iron Monkey 5.14

Photo Credits: aceeldo.org,

Don’t be dissuaded by evil stories of the “heinous” approach to the monastary, it’s just not that bad! Considering that the crag is at 8000 feet may cause flatlanders, smokers, and general lazy asses to take a little longer on the trail, but it is well worth the effort. By the way, I am all three of the above mentioned adjectives and I am cool with the approach, twenty-five minutes or so. Due to elevation this area is pretty tolerable during the summer, so it may be beneficial to cruise up there if the Boulder is just way too hot. This crag is also bueno during spring and fall seasons. Bring all the usual necessities for bolt clipping, plus a hardened set of finger-tip skin. Watch for Rattlesnakes, Mountain Lions, and cursing would be third ascensionists of Grand Ole Opry.

There are several areas to consider when headed up to the Monastery. The Vestibule should NOT be missed though. This classic corridor holds some of the best and most aesthetic routes at the crag. The must do list includes: Tabula Rosa 10c, Arch Crack 11b, Stolen Land 11c, and Psychatomic 12d (Some say the BEST 12d in Colorado, I may have to agree, at least top 3). For the mutant crowd try your hand at: The Quickening 13c, Third Millenium 13d, Grand Ole Opry 14a.

Additional areas to consider for your Monastery experience include; The Lion’s Den, The Corridor, The Bear’s Den, and The Outer Gates. These walls contain routes that range from 5.6 to 5.12, with a good amount of moderate routes in the 5.9 range, so go get on them! The Guidebook, Bernard Gillett’s Estes Park Valley.