Oh..Dub!

Oh my freakin dub. Yours truly has peered into the dark dark world of the offwidth and has seen things that no sport climber should witness. Lungs bursting, elbows flaming, ankle skin tearing, big bro placing, gaging, kicking, screaming and swearing was the scene at Poland Hill in Vedauwoo, Wyoming yesterday as I tried to sell my soul to the gods of offwidth…My first route ever at the Woo, Fantasia 5.9+, was not a pretty sight, except for my vintage blue with lime green tubing Western apparel. You haven’t witnessed something so awkward since the last episode of the Office. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt more relief topping out a route as I did this 60 foot 5.9! Offwidth is like fighting a grizzly bear in a pool filled with melted butter, there’s no strategy in a death-match from hell!

This first pic is starting the route, I was not this enthusiastic during my 45 minute epic! I now respect the wideness and those masochistic bastards that dabble in this dark art.

The other pics include the Masters of Offwidth couple Jason and Ellie getting dirty on The Desiderata and Darren Mabe on Pyschoshop.

Anyway, the woo was fun, here are some pics from my route and a small OW bouldering session this afternoon. Enjoy.

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Tags: Big Bros, Offwidth, Vedauwoo, Western Apparel

Lucille Onsight!?

I don’t know if offwidth climbing is pimpin or not, it’s definitely not crimpin, but I couldn’t let this report slide.

I typically see an OW (or offwidth for the layperson) and cringe. How and Why do people climb OWs? There are many things that I would rather do than climb OWs, the worst of which involves bells, whistles, whips, chains, yo-yos, a circus midget, my grandmother riding by on a unicycle giving me the finger, and a rubber duck. Entering into OW land is scary, at least for me. I have heavy foreign objects dangling from my harness, I move 3 inches and start breathing like I just ran 10 miles, there’s always a lot of kicking and thrutching, and half the time I feel like I’m stuck. No FUN! But some people love OWs. They search out these gapping beasts with vim and vigor. Masochistic sons of bitches!

Anyway, when I saw this I was astonished and thought it desevered special attention. OW capital of the world starts with a V and ends with a woo or voo, I never know how to say it. One of the grandaddies or maybe grandmamas of offwidthing is a route called Lucille 12+. This route may have seen like 6 or 7 ascents, none by a woman and Pamela Varco walks up onsights the route! Sick! Go PAM! Keep on keeping on.

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Tags: Lucille, Offwidth, Rubber Ducks