Archive for April, 2008
This week we have a very special Cute Climber Girl of the Week. It’s very special because she is going to be Pimpin’ and Crimpin’s newest contributor. Some of you savvy readers may have seen her new contributor picture down below and already deduced this. Congratulations. You were correct.
We had an outcry apparently for a female contributor and somehow we convinced Caroline Treadway to join our crew of unruly climbing bandits. I thought it appropriate (despite what C-note here called a “conflict of interest”) that we usher in our newest pimper and crimper with this weekly high honor. So without further ado the adorable Caroline Treadway.
C-note: Hieeeeeeee! Have you seen the retarded policeman?
C-note: You’ve seen my workout videos, right?
I watched them both.
I think I was drunk when I did as well.
C-note: I’m developing a cult following.
Wig: That’s what we’re hoping for. A mass of people we can control to do our bidding
C-note: I can do that with my iPhone. It’s a little-known secret that one can control traffic lights via iPhone. It works 45 out of 50 times.
Wig: Teach me your sorcerous ways.
C-note: Well, what else do you want to know?
Wig: Well I want to know everything. Are you a witch?
C-note: No, I’m actually descended from elves.
Wig: I don’t believe it. An elfish person who can control traffic lights with your phone.
C-note: …midget elves—they’re SUPER small.
Wig: How’d you get to be so big then?
C-note: Genetic anomoly I guess.
Wig: Well. Your family must be proud.
C-note: Is that spelled right? Anomoly?
With an “a”
C-note: Thank you. It looked weird.
Wig: Did you see the new survey I put up on P&C?
C-note: Nice! That’s easy—who the fuck would give up sex? It’s the best thing ever.
Wig: I haven’t answered yet.
C-note: Ooooh, I thought about it for a second and maybe I’m not hardcore enough—ok fine, I’ll give up sex.
Wig: Our readers will be most upset.
C-note: We do need a few less people on the planet…
Wig: So C-note. Let’s run through some standard CCGOTW questions.
C-note: Nice acronym. Sure hit me.
Wig: Sharp as a tack you are, glad you caught it.
Alright. Full name:
C-note: Caroline Treadway.
Wig: That was boring. You don’t have a middle name?
C-note: C-note; T-note
Wig: C-note T-note is your middle name or are you embarrassed?
C-note: Actually I have three.
Wig: You have three middle names…
C-note: …and, yes, I’m embarrassed. My dad keeps giving ‘em to me, changes my name whenever he wants.
C-note: F-ing lawyers. Do you want to know what they are? Rainbow, Love and Light.
Wig: Are you serious?
Wig: Respect points through the roofiez. Moving on.
C-note: Single. Is that a boring answer? I could make it better.
Wig: No it’s likely the most perfect answer.
C-note: Relationships are cool and all but…
and mad respect to those who make it work.
Wig: If a guy offers to buy you a drink in the bar what do you tell him to get you?
C-note: A whiskey coke—get your ups and your downs all in one! Then I ask him to stir the ice with his finger.
Wig: Favorite sexual position: (please say bionic seahorse)
C-note: Damn yer good—that’s exactly what I was going to say! Bionic seahorse in rough waters.
Wig: What number date is the first kiss permissible?
C-note: Depends how hot the guy is! Could be within the first five minutes. Or never.
Wig: What’s your favorite line from a rap song?
C-note: Can we come back to that one? I gotta think for a sec.
Wig: Surely. What would the perfect fortune cookie fortune say?
C-note: A porthole to another dimension is about to open in front of you, and something involving sex, maybe with aliens.
Wig: Mine would say: You can smoke forever and never have to quit because lung cancer will never touch your life and you’ll stop smelling like smoke so no one will mind that you’re taking part in such a disgusting habit.
C-note: Yeah, a porthole leading to an alien sex dimension—that would be crazy.
Wig: You really like sex huh?
C-note: See, women aren’t as complicated as they’re cracked up to be, but I’ll try and stop thinking about it, especially if I’m going on this celibacy binge so I can climb 5.16.
Wig: Oh, of course. Here I have a favorite rap lyric for you:
“I got a great idea, we should have sex, bitch I’m like Dante Hall, I just throw up the X.” It’s Lil’ Wayne.
Wig: What’s going to be the best part about being a contributor for P&C?
C-note: Seriously, independent media is the shit. Everyone’s got creative ideas but not everyone DOES anything with them. Ya know? Independent media is all about DOING IT. Collaborating with people, creating something totally unique for the masses minus any kind of authority figures…except editors I guess. That’d be you!
Wig: Would you be friends with a guy who listened to Lily Allen?
C-note: who the fuck is that?
(editor’s note: At this point I continued to listen to Lily Allen and sing most of the words.)
Wig: Well. Is there anything our readers should know about you?
C-note: Hmmmm. They should probably LOOK THE FUCK OUT!
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Would you rather: be fat?
Wow. I’m taken aback really.
According to our poll 46% of you (25 people) said they would totally gain 10 lbs of FAT and keep it on for the rest of their lives in exchange for a million dollars. Only 40% (22 people) said “no weight.”
Maybe it only surprises me because I’m totally vain, but I say fuck fat. I’ll make my own million dollars (highly unlikely). It’s absolutely ridiculous for me to think about 20 or 30 lbs. Holy goodness.
I confessed all this to my dad. I told him I felt bad because in the end it’s just a little weight, but since he’s my dad and he’s awesome, he completely defended me bringing to light the fact that most climbers depend on a certain “lightness” to make pulling our asses off the ground and up the side of cliffs, so if climbing is what i really loved it’s not too far off to expect me not to want to gain any extra weight that can’t be turned into muscles or lost completely.
That all made me feel better.
I’m still confused about the five of you that voted for an extra 20 lbs. I mean. If you’re gaining 20 why not more? Why stop there? I don’t get it.
And to the two who voted 30+. Congratulations. You’ve proved you could give a shit what you look like so long as you’re rich. Come to new York and I’ll buy you something fried from the a street meat vendor.
Be on the look out the rest of today. P&C has some very special things in store.
Also please send any WYR ideas to [email protected]. If we use it we’ll buy you a beer if we ever see you in person.
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Whiskey Wednesday a Little Early
Okay, since I probably won’t be able to post a Whiskey Wednesday shout out manana I am doing it an hour and a half early. Tip your glasses, raise your shots, spray your champagne this week to a true pimper and crimper. You have seen him in ads, movies, and it seems everywhere these days, but Joe Kinder deserves serious props from the P&C crew this week! Joe just completed the FA of Golden Direct 8c+ or 14c for the layperson. The Cathedral looks Super Sexy right now and I am psyched to get out there. Joe has been killing it lately, so with a current trip to Spain we should be hearing more about one of our favorite east coast boys. Always psyched, always real, Joe is the shit. So, here’s to you Joe, have fun in Espana!
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I’m a drunkard…
Sure I might be slighly intoxicated most nights of the week. But I didn’t think that made me a drunkard. Don’t you have to booze up at work to qualify for that one? I guess not, at least this Booze test. Try it, it’s fun. My score:
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In an effort to spread the word a little more about P&C we started a myspace page.
We would greatly appreciate anyone that has a myspace to go ahead and befriend us. We love you. Keep spreading the word.
On another note entirely, P&C very much wants your questions. We are very unprofessional and unqualified advice givers, but just as surely as the sun will rise we’ll dish it out like Dr. Phil on Adderall.
So please send us your questions about life, climbing, GFs, BFs, sex, drugs, money, whatever. We can handle it. We want it. Help us help you.
email all at [email protected]
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Do I really even need to say anything…
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Up the Poudre
Beware, Adam can wield a drill at the crag and he is PSYCHED!!! Monitor your local crag with vigilance or I may sneak in and retro bolt your area runout classic, squeeze a route like the thighmaster, or couple bolts and cracks like Sonny and Cher. My last trace of ethical pride has been eradicated by my newly acquired dark art and I am laughing a very evil laugh. Buhahahahaha!!!
No really, I have wanted to pound a bolt or two up a new route for some time now and today I got the chance. The route, yet to be named, is steep and thin at the bottom and pumpy, but pretty damn beautiful. So psyched to work this project in the coming months, and work it will be. I think the thing could be hard, real hard, but with enough effort it should go fairly quick, I hope! So, with that, I am opening up the P&C portal to name suggestions. Either comment them on this post or email them to us at [email protected].
On another note, the rest of the day was pretty pimp as well. Derek put me on one of his masterpiece multipitch gems at the Crystal Wall, Tour de Poudre 12b. SICK!!! This route was legit, the first pitch was steep and juggey clocking in at 10a, great fun. Then the biz came on the second pitch with sequential climbing on small crimps, whoohooo! After a small break he ushered me over to a harder route, but just as good, Orange Crimpsycle (sp?), 13a. OC ascends this brilliant orange lichen face on small crimps, think credit cards mating with razorblades on straight up vertical granite. Despite being overserved last night I was feeling surprisingly good today. I launched into the first crux and somehow pulled it off and found myself resting 3 bolts below the anchor. You could say that I was pretty psyched and thought I may have had a good chance for the onsight. Little did I know that was about to embark on another crux section just above, I fell. Sigh. However, I didn’t get the onsight, but I was super excited about the route and can’t wait to venture back up there and try her again. If any of you have by passed the sport climbing on the Crystal Wall and at the Palace while on your way to the 420’s, then you have missed out on some exceptional routes. Get out there and climb’em!!!
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Bahama Mamas, Bones, and Brews
If you ever wanted to be jealous of me, now is the time. This Wednesday I hang up the quickdraws and sticky rubber boots for flip flops, board shorts, and fly rods. A group of college brahinis and myself try to make it a point to get together every spring, origially for St. Patty’s day, but now just a spring get together. Last year we drove ourselves out to the sandstone walls of Red Rocks in Neveda for 5 days. Actually, we only climbed two of those days and even got snowed off a route on the first day, but that is neither here nor there. This year we have been planning on a luxurious bahamian fly fishing excursion! Stay tuned, as I will most definitley have the laptop with me and be posting, probably mostly under the influence of island rum carried by native girls in grass skirts and coconut bras, so it should be interesting.
Oh, and if Amanda B., or cute climber of the week is reading this, then I would absolutely take you to the island. Although it isn’t the V.G., no rocks to speak of, and I probably couldn’t pay for it all, I would buy you a spicy seafood raspberry pineapple pancake with oatmeal and brown sugar on the side and as many Mojitos as you could stand. Let me know if you are interested.
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Mini Pimpers and Crimpers Unite
Tribute to the 11 middle and high school kids that I spent this last week with. For those of you that don’t know, the Watershed School in Boulder is the hippest escuela out there. I was privileged enough to help teach a week long intensive on Rock climbing this week with the lovely Vanessa Compton.
What other school have you heard of that lets its kids ditch the normal curriculum for a week to figure out what this thing called rock climbing means? After going over some basics on Monday morning we have been climbing everyday this week! The students got to visit three crags in Boulder Canyon, the Boulder Rock Club, and North Table Mountain here in Golden. Our mini pimpers and crimpers were awesome and definitely reminded me of how crazy psyched I was when I first started climbing. Here’s to Austin, Andy, Miranda, Zoe, Emmy, Eva, Sean, Simon, Jordan, Peter, and Taya. Not that they are going to read this blog b/c often times it lives in the land of PG-13 and beyond, but you guys were great!
Pic: Vanessa on Empire of the Fenceless.
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So, here’s the deal, we are going to be posting some Q&A’s here on P&C. What’s on your mind? Send us your life’s questions and concerns and we will analyze and advise with our ever so wise council. If your question happens to get picked for posting and commenting it will receive solutions from all three P&Cers. Bonus!!! So bring it on, we are here for ya. (Warning: We are not opposed to hating as well as praising.)
Our first question comes from Shane Seaton of the Great State of Oklahoma. Here is Shane’s email (edited for space).
This weekend I was climbing at Lost Dome with Randy Banning. We wanted to put up a toprope on Made in the Shade 5.12RX so Randy could work his project…I am a fairly conservative climber (Read: scared) and Randy is a boulderer who’s never placed a nut in his life. Luckily, Crackalolo 5.10b has three bolts at the top so to him it was like climbing a highball with a rope between his legs. He did place one nut 15 ft up and then ran it out another 15 to the first bolt…I was watching him and suddenly got hit in the hands by something. His stopper wasn’t so stopped. We laughed about it and it scared the crap out me and I started second guessing my decision to lead it on those stoppers. Well, Randy talked me into it and after placing three of them in the 15 ft of crack I headed into the comfort of the bolts. It was great. The adrenaline. The gear. I had a taste of the trad life and wanted more. Then I got on Made in the Shade and sent it clean, TR of course. I wouldn’t have thought that was possible. I had been on it once before and it wasn’t too bad, but wow it felt good to do those moves.
So, here is life’s big question. What is my next step in climbing? Of course the next step after the TR should be the lead, but as I said, my head game is a little off and I have no desire to lead crazy RX runouts or place sketchy gear. I am not opposed to getting a head game and leading some runouts (no RX) and learning to place good gear. The rush I got that day reminded me of the first time I climbed. I wasn’t freaked out just adrenalized. So how do I get that rush and feel safe? Is this oxymoronic? Especially here in OK where our ethical hardass first ascentionists were scarce on bolts.
Please help me P&C
okay, peace out,
shane seaton aka okieclimber
Shaney Shane, I remember teaching you how to place gear at Upper Mt. Scott some 4 or 5 years ago. The route, Arm Bar 5.6. The gear, every last nut, cam, and hex I had. You climbed a ways and placed a #2 BD cam, it came out, but you pushed on and lead the thing with confidence. Oh my, it does my heart good to get your letter. So psyched that threw down on Crack-a-lolo, Sick! What’s more, the TR burn on Made in the Shade gave you a good glimpse of what these harder routes are about, and you did it clean! All in all, sounds like a steller day, a real confidence booster, a psyche regeneration if you will, and I will.
So, here’s the bizzynus. You basically want what we all want, climbing hard and not dying. Pretty worth goals if you ask me. Saddling up to scary gear, sport, or bouldering problems is something that shouldn’t be taken lightly. However, some of the cleanest most aesthetic lines out there can be runout. So here’s my advice, besides the obvious “go out and climb a lot” line, when you are out there get used to placing gear on routes that you are comfortable with, something within your ability, but not too challenging. This way you know you can sit there and place bomber gear and feel good about moving on. Calculate your fall potential and if the gear below is good and the next section looks easy for you, run that shit out! Feel the exposure, embrace it. This is a good way to get comfortable placing gear in hard sections and running out easier sections with confidence. Hope this helps, happy climbing! When you’re ready come out and do Jules Verne with me in Eldo, that will test these newly found skills.
I’m probably the last person you want to take advice from about climbing hard runout shit. If you’ve hung around me and P&C crew for more than a couple days, you’ve doubtlessly heard of the infamous Arnie Whimper. While guys like Cassidy hill can grunt, scream, and will their way past hard and scary sections, I’m more or less reduced to a shrivelled manchild curled up in the fetal position emitting moans whines and whimpers. Basically, I’m a wimp. My balls are shrivelled up to the size of two peas in a desert sand storm.
Nonetheless, I would like to think myself a keen observer of humanity, so what I can offer you is my observations of how those guys you tote their giant brass balls to the crag in a wheelbarrow do it. To wit, I offer you: The Lessons of Dean Potter
The Primal State.
As it turns out, scary trad is a mind game that requires you to feel cosmically connected to beastly animals, the inanimate rock and most importantly the earlier, less intelligent ancestor of modern man. My best interpretation of the Primal State is that runout trad is, in reality, such stupid idea, that it requires you to transcend past your well developed sense of self preservation to a state of existing not dissimilar to cromagnan man who didn’t live past 23.
As it turns out, the best way to enter The Primal State is to spend a lot of time living in caves. This not only lets you dissociate yourself from the effeminating effects of modern luxury and feel more deeply connected to the caveman, it also gives you such a feeling of worthlessness that the only way to justify your pitiful, filth besot existence is to risk life and limb for the fleeting honor, glory and commendation of a scary send.
To climb scary trad, you have to somehow Be in The Moment. After years of contemplation, I think I’ve finally figured this one out. The Moment is a perfectly infinitesimal unit of time. There is not past not future, nor what has been nor what will be. The wonderful thing about The Moment is that, once entered, you are no longer aware of the shitty gear beneath you that probably couldn’t hold a mouse and is just waiting to deposit your corpse on the talus field below, nor can you think about the slopers greased with death’s own oil awaiting you above. How do you get there? No idea. I think it has something to do with yoga mats, Warrior One, and chanting mudras, darhmas, and namastes to yourself. I don’t really know. But if you ever figure it out, let me know.
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