Granola: A Photo Essay
posted by limit
A couple months ago, Andrew and I let a friend stay on the couch for a month while she was in limbo between a lease ending and moving to Antarctica. When she moved out, she left lots of foodstuffs in our pantry. This would have been great but she was one of those people who likes to shop at small grocery stores which charge exorbitant prices for their products yet are somehow unable to afford a labeling machine. I’m not sure, but I think this was her attempt to stave off Alzheimers by forcing herself to remember the contents of hundreds of unlabeled jars and bags. I guess some people play sudoku to keep their minds limber and some people remember what’s in all their mason jars.
I’m bored so I’ve decided to try to use some of these mystery foods. I started with this recipe for granola. It asks for things I don’t think I have, like sesame seeds and coconuts that have been turned into flakes(weird!) and I don’t feel like going to the grocery store. Oh well.
This is a honey bear but the contents don’t really taste like honey. But there is a 1/2 cup of it. hmm
I have no idea what these are. They taste like some kinds of chopped nuts. I think I’ll use them.
My recipe doesn’t call for molasses, but I have no idea what else to use this stuff for so I think I’ll stick some in just for good measure. And besides, it’s unsulphured, it comes from a plantation and it’s motherfuckin’ BLACKSTRAP. That’s gotta be good, right?
I have no clue what wheat germ looks like, but I’m supposed to have 1 cup of it. This looks like something I imagine wheat germ might look like. I use 1 cup of this mysterious substance.
Barley is a grain(at least that’s my impression) which makes it seem like something that might be good in granola. According to the google machine, barley in granola is typically of the rolled variety. This is the pearl variety and it’s very hard. I boil it for a while, hoping that will soften it. Works for rice, right?
Imagine this jar is full of something resembling oatmeal. I think they are whole oats because they look like quaker oats except darker
Since I don’t have vanilla, I substitute cinnamon, cardamom and nutmeg. Seems like a fair trade, right? oh, and butter
I mix all this stuff together and bake it for a while. It looks like this, which at least looks like granola…
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Only savages use sulphured molasses. How’d that shit taste?
I’m in suspense. Talk about the cliffhanger of the year. Are you an iron chef? or do you have to have an iron stomach to eat that crap?
Please tell how it tasted!
It tasted… kinda funny. I tried it… it was okay… not the worst i’ve had, but not quite the best. Blame it on the Blackstrap.
What’s strange to me is not all the crazy stuff in the cabinet but that it was so casual to know someone moving to Antarctica.
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