The Accessorized Trad Climber
18 March 2009 2,058 views 8 Comments
A couple weeks ago, we showed you how to accessorize yourself to look like a seasoned baller boulder. Not to leave anybody out, this week we’re doing the same for you tradsters out there.
|The stitch plate: this belay device was invented circa 35 B.C. Although belay devices have come a long way since then, as a trad climber its you job to inform the world that the olden days were the golden days. The easiest way to do this is by using the shittiest belay device ever made.|
|Duct Tape: For some reason that I will never understand, trad climbers have an affinity for duct tape that is almost as creepy as a mustachioed man winking at five year olds. What they do with this stuff, I’ll never know but what I do know is that to look like a seasoned trad climber, you need to have truck loads of this shit. But here’s the trick: you can’t keep on the roll. You’ve got to stick it to your parka, wrap it around nalgenes and toothbrushes for no apparent reason and use it to patch your carharts. Maybe someday you’ll meet MacGyver and figure some practical uses for this stuff.|
Carharts: Trad climbing is all about being a tough guy. Construction job, creepy 5′oclock shadow, and climbing gear thats big enough to inflict a fatal brain hemorrage. Almost nothing can help you affect the tough guy image like a worn pair of double knee Carharts. Bonus points of have a gnarly story about the hole in the ass, preferably about some henious 5.7+ offwidth you TR’ed on a roadcut in South Carolina.
|Wrist Braces: It’s a not so secret secret that people who call themselvs trad climbers dont actually climb. They just post shit on rocklimbing.com all night while masturbating to Parrollelojams. Carpel tunell has crippled a few trad climbers from informing the world that they too regard chipped routes as aid climbs. With this set of wrist braces, you can keep “climbing”, carpel tunnel or not.|