Cyanide & Happiness @Explosm.net

Climbing has tons of acronyms, numbers, letters, and symbols and categories that allow us to argue endlessly about banally useless distinctions. We’ve figured out how so split hairs finer than Bill Clinton, especially when labeling the ascent of a route. It can be really confusing. But personally, I love it and I think we need more. Thus, in the spirit of endless obfuscation, I’m proposing more acronyms that will give us even more useless distinctions to argue about. Some of these you have surely seen before. I’ve also added some new ones that hopefully will make it into popular use. If the new nomenclature is adopted, the climbing literature of the future will be as obtuse as a medical journal.

FA– First Ascent
FFA –First Free Ascent
FFFA–First Free Female Ascent
FCA — First Chalkless Ascent
FTA–First Tapeless Ascent
FWA–First Wet Ascent
FBA –First Barefoot Ascent
FRSA–First Roller Skate Ascent
FKA –First Kneebarless Ascent
FIA–First Intoxicated Ascent
FUCK–First Un-Clothed Klimb
FAWCOEBL–First Ascent While Copulating On Every Belay Ledge

Example paragraph:
Last weekend, Bronco and I went attempt the FRSA, FKA, FIA of The Collinator. Since both of us had lingering pulley injuries, we knew we would not bag the FTA. I knew that Bronco, being the gay fagot that he is, would attempt the FAWCOEBL, which is why he first tried to convince me to go for the FIA. To foil his plan, I chose to wear a butt plug, even though it would make attempting the FUCK look awkwardly absurd.

Wonderfully incomprehensible isn’t it?

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