Home » Featured, Headline, Main

6 Ways to Spot a Bumblie

17 November 2009 3,996 views 21 Comments
posted by

Oh you know them when you see them. And if you don’t know the ways to identify them there is a really good chance you ARE the bumbler.

1. Janglies


I don’t know how else to describe these things. They’ve always got them. It’s like little pieces of flair they attach to their harnesses and or backpacks. None of it is useful too. Like they’ll take an extra locking biner up a sport route, or their grigri. Or they decorate their school bags with carabiners and Nalgenes. Carabiners are not accessories! I know because I have one as a keychain. Instead of Occam’s razor I’m going to start calling it Sharma’s razor. Cut out everything that isn’t totally necessary e.g. get rid of the daisy chain thong. Really.

2. Deathwish

Why do you insist on standing underneath others while they are bouldering? Why do you insist on walking around in the gym oblivious to those climbing above you? Why do you walk around with that blank look on your face that really reveals what a lost cause implementing common sense will be?

3. Beta spray

Have you ever noticed how the beta being shouted at you is usually coming from the most unqualified giver? I know they (me) just shout it because they’re so damn excited to see someone climbing anything, but really do we have to hear it? It’s not even helpful. Unless of course you’re shouting bad beta because you want them to fall. Then it’s an entirely new category. These people are called haters. And they are very very small people (again… me).

4. Umbro shorts

I don’t know how or when this trend started. It once was cool to climb in little tiny shorts. We saw people like John Long wearing these things in old pictures. John Long can do it both because he had big balls and because half the time he wasn’t wearing a harness that framed said balls into a nice little package. Unless you’re applying for CCGOTW please put on something more substantial so when you’re inevitably hanging from the red-taped problem at the gym we don’t have to suffer your poor wardrobe selection.

5. Finds partners on Mountain project/rockclimbing.com

Why. On. Earth. For real. I don’t trust many of my friends to take me up “the edge.” So be wary when you see a request for partners that looks like this: “Hey, in town for a couple days. Have rack and rope. Looking for partners Lead up to 5.10 and follow 5.14b. Trad experience but would love a tour. Psyched to meet in the parking lot or the first time ever, entrust my life to you for a day mr. total stranger, and head out for a few pitches.”

Stay far far away.

6. Crack climbing in the gym

Ever met someone who was just a little too psyched to get “jamming milage” in the gym? Don’t get me wrong I think crack skills are fully a wonderful thing to possess but I’m not certain the gym is the place to obtain them… I’m especially not sure if you really need to be taping up to do it.

Tags: , , , ,


  • Bevan Bird said:

    This is funny.

    “Psyched to meet in the parking lot or the first time ever, entrust my life to you for a day mr. total stranger, and head out for a few pitches.”

    First I’d heard of a Bumblie. Good article. Thank you

    • Lil' Pete said:

      I don’t trust many of my friends to take me up “the edge.” – hear you there!

      • wade said:

        I do enjoy running laps on the .75 and #4 cracks at movement, as a extra refresher. On the other hand, I like making fun of people that tape for indoor gym cracks. #3 beta spray…. most small people are haters, I’m willing to admit that I’m glad I grew past that stage.

        • Marque said:

          My gym has cracks all over the place. Off-widths, finger cracks, jams. Its great!

          • Blake said:

            did we take a look at his ToDo list?

            Must’a Been High 5.13 R

            From gym bouldering V8 to Musta been high…someone’s in for an interesting day of belaying this kid.

            • Kynan said:

              #7. Chalkbag attached to harness with a carabiner.
              #8. Chalkbag attached to harness with a locking carabiner.

              • youaren'tserious? said:

                #7 sites Mountaineering: Freedom of the Hills every time they talk about climbing.
                #8 Reads Urbanclimber
                #9 talks about climbing videos on Youtube
                #10 calls a campus board a wooden ladder
                #11 they look like a PRANA billboard
                #12 they wear their shoes the same way they sport jeans: Baggy

                • Boar's Head said:

                  -wears madrock shoes
                  -has a mammut belay device
                  -walks around the gym with his rock shoes on b/c they are the same size as his street shoes
                  -sent that 5.11c LAST week every time you talk to him but struggles on this 10a on toprope
                  - “I dont get the name of this webstite, whats a crimp”
                  -metolius safety harness
                  -askes stupid questions like “what is ale-81 and why do you have 3 cases in your trunk”

                  • mighty said:

                    lol!!! i rather see #1 janglies than #3 janglies. (capital eeww)

                    • Alex said:

                      used to see this kid on campus walkin around with cams jangling around on his school backpack. doucher

                      • ej said:

                        Bumblie: someone shaking so hard while they lead an easy climb, they fall off (and clearly have no business leading anything, until to learn to actually climb first). Saw this scary sight just a week ago…

                        • phillip said:

                          They’re “chotskies”, not janglies!

                          • Sean said:

                            Do you guys update this site anymore?

                            • Amy said:

                              Are there any good climbing sites that don’t constantly complain about everything? The narcissism is whack.

                              • Your Mom said:

                                #8 – Runs a website where every other article is elitist crap talking down about people. All aboard the hate train!

                                Mostly it was items 5 and 6 that pushed me over the edge.

                                I mean, sure, if you happen to live in Boulder and everyone you meet in the bar at least has a harness shoes, and some draws gathering dust in the garage, that’s cool. Good for you. Not everyone that climbs is surrounded by legions of climbing buddies. God forbid someone use the internet to meet up with another person and have some fun.

                                And what’s wrong with climbing gym cracks? It’s a gym, it’s practice, that’s it. If any thing I’d say it’s more “bumblie” (or whatever your word du jour for someone not as cool as you is) to avoid the cracks like the plague because they involve skill that isn’t akin to climbing a more complicated ladder (“so where are the holds?”).

                                Lamest climbing blog on the internet.

                                • bronco said:

                                  Your Mom,

                                  Yeah, we hate everyone! We especially hate AC’s that don’t have the moxie to complain about our writing and leave their real name. I guess you wouldn’t want one of your potential future partners from rc.com or mp.com to see what a whiny little git you really are. If you don’t like our blog, then STOP READING!

                                  • Anonymous Coward said:

                                    The old “if you don’t like it, go elsewhere” argument doesn’t really hold a lot of water for public content. Someone publishes something…it gets critiqued. Fact is every few months I’ll click your link on someone’s blog rule, see your latest article on “how to spot a 5.6 climber at your local crag”, and remember why I don’t in fact read this site too often. I realize a lot of it is probably tongue in cheek, but I stand by what I said.

                                    Also, aside from some name calling (whiny little git, really?), I didn’t really see anything refuting what I said in there. Weak sauce.

                                    • bronco said:

                                      Your Mom, , , and Anonymous Coward,

                                      We don’t need to refute anything you’ve said because you’re right on so many levels…1. We are lucky to live in the Front Range. 2. We meet people at bars. 3. We are elite. 3. We are the conductors of the fucking hate train…ChooChoo! 5. We do have a lame blog, but it works for us.

                                      There is one thing to refute though. This whole crack climbing in the gym business. We don’t avoid cracks, outside or inside. In fact, we love cracks! Limit and I trained on an indoor crack before our first ever trip to Indian Creek and I will say without a doubt that it was the best thing we could’ve done before we ventured into the world of splitter sandstone. Hence, you are right, tongue and cheek. That was a long time ago now, and I probably haven’t been on an indoor crack in 3 years, but it is good practice, you’re right. As for your implication that “complicated ladders” don’t involve skill, well, that’s just silly. Okay, maybe two things to refute. We here at P&C are from the great state of Oklahoma, hardly the climbing metroplex of Boulder. We know what it’s like to be hard up for climbing partners, but we think it’s a pretty bold move to submit yourself to a climbing forum so douchebag mcgee on MountainProject can meet you for a marathon day in Eldo. It seems dangerous when the people that reply to your partner inquiry have information on their profile like “TR’ed clean to the top, slack in the line the whole way.” What the Fuck is that supposed to mean and you wanna go trust that person? Meet some people at your gym or do what I’ve done and go to the crag by yourself and try and find someone suitable to hook up with, unless you’re sitting behind your desk masterbating to photos of Wig, Limit, and I…We understand, we’re pretty damn good looking.

                                      Oh yeah, you still won’t reveal your name, that’s Weak Sauce son!

                                      • Gabe Walker said:

                                        So, you trained on an indoor crack, it helped you, then you go and trash talk it. Makes a lot of sense. Also, I never implied that the “more complicated ladder” that is a face climb doesn’t require skill. I was implying that in the gym, frequently it’s the newer/more amateur climber that would probably avoid a crack as the technique is most likely very foreign to them. It’s much easier for someone to grasp how they would climb a given face climb, even if they couldn’t do the moves, than cracks, which are not quite as intuitive.

                                        As for finding climbing partners on the internet – sure, jumping into a full day on some big multi-pitch R rated climb with someone you’ve never climbed with is probably not a good idea. Like all of life, especially with climbing, common sense should be applied. So, even if you realize this, and are purely poking fun at the “flying in from Kazakstan this Monday and will hit the valley that night, have 4 days, looking for partner for Mescalito” crowd, I just don’t see the point. Climbing is still relatively niche, if anything, I think it’s awesome the internet helps people find others to climb with, why be down on it?

                                        And no, I don’t need to sign my real name so that whenever I look for a job, some HR schmuck gets to read every internet comment I’ve ever made. But kudos on posting those email addresses, despite the comment next to the field that says (will not be published.)

                                        • Wig (author) said:

                                          You guys have to be kidding.
                                          1. it’s all tongue in cheek. i’m guilty of every one of those up there. that’s why i wrote it. and that’s the same for most of the articles i’ve ever written on this site. Everyone can relate and everyone eventually moves past being a gumby… I’m sure you did do despite your whiny attitude.

                                          2. the argument ‘don’t come here if you don’t like’ is actually a pretty GOOD argument. i don’t want to see porn of a girl giving a horse a blow job. so i don’t go to horsey blow job websites. you don’t like our blog you don’t have to stop by to leave whiny comments. We aren’t a magazine we don’t have ads we don’t need your traffic *we don’t care. We care just enough to leave you a comment back because we are equally as pathetic as you. (see number 3)

                                          this site is a fun little hobby for us and as much as we would like to make money off of it, we don’t, so we can say what we want because we don’t need you to approve of it. so quit sending us those “i’m not renewing my subscription bullshit comments” we dont’ give a shit.

                                          3. i can’t understand why you’re writing such long comments to tell us you don’t like what we do when it’s not going to do much to change OUR minds or the minds of those who do like us. it’s a bit pathetic i think. (see number 1*)

                                          Thanks for caring.

                                          • bronco said:

                                            The other funny thing is that those are your REAL email addresses? I thought those had to be fake and that’s why I posted’em…Come’on SHARMALUVR18?, REally?

                                          Leave your response!

                                          Add your comment below, or trackback from your own site. You can also subscribe to these comments via RSS.

                                          Be nice. Keep it clean. Stay on topic. No spam.

                                          You can use these tags:

                                          This is a Gravatar-enabled weblog. To get your own globally-recognized-avatar, please register at Gravatar.