Sustainability: It’s all the rage
posted by limit
Living in the front range and especially living near boulder, I hear a lot about sustainable living, being green, conserving, being responsible. I’m told that as a climber, I should care about these things even more. I’m also told that as an(supposedly) educated person, I should be able to think and analyze this stuff for myself. Here is what I’ve come up with.
If only this man had a ciggarette...
Get Fat and Smoke
Fat people eat more, this is true (the methane gas produced by all those burger making cows is quite damaging to the glaciers, I’m told). They also die earlier and thus use fewer resources. Fat smokers die even earlier. Now THAT is responsible living.
Sustainable Clean Clothes
There is at least a pair of boxers right there
I’m pretty new to this sustainable greenie thing but washing and drying your clothes seems grossly irrisponsible to me. Think about it for a minute. Your washer uses something like 40 gallons of water PER LOAD. Your dryer is one of the most energy intensive appliances in the house. But thats not the worst of it. You know that lint trap you have to clean out every time you dry clothes? That is your clothes LITERALLY falling apart. Do you know how much damage it does the planet to drill and refine the oil for nylon, weave it, design it, sew it, and and ship it halfway across the globe? Neither do I but I’m fucking pissed about it.
I have taken the most responsible step and stopped doing laundry. If you just can’t stomach that, I have also started one of the most innovative green sector businesses of the 21st century. Starting in May 2010, you can send your used dryer lint to me, LIMIT, and I will put it through an intense cleaning and conditioning process before spinning it into yarn and reweaving it into socks and stocking hats. I will sell these for exorbitant prices. You will purchase them to assuage the guilt you feel for doing too much laundry.
Sport Climbing
If you were REALLY interested in sustainability you would quit this selfish sport and go live in a hemp yurt in the tundra(just think of all the damage you are doing and energy you are using by buying gear, driving to the crag, or even posting on mountain project). You probably can’t quite stomach that which can only mean one thing: compromise. Here is my suggestion for the green-guilt ridden climbing addict. Sell the trad rack, sell the quick draws and ONLY climb at areas with fixed perma-draws(ie, rifle, the red, france). Yes that’s right–Sport climbing is far more environmentally friendly than trad climbing. Imagine, for a minute, the damage made to Mother Earth by mining aluminum for EVERY CLIMBER to own a rack of double or triple cams, stoppers, brassies, offsets, hexes, hooks, and lost arrows? I ask you, which has more impact:
A double rack of cams?
A bolt?
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gotta say, i’ve been checking quite religiously, and am stoked to see some new material! as always, limit, you inspire laughter and i have just bought my first pack of cigarettes and will work on getting fat in order to do my part to keep this world looking as beautiful as a fat smoking slob.
whats the address we send lint to ? My whole floor would love to participate!
are you also accepting of the balls of dog hairs/dust that form in the corners of rooms, staircases, under the couch? i have shittons. hell, you can have my roommate’s dog while we’re at it. he’s in cali, being fat and lazy. he really is – #1 applies. the dog is ruining my new hardwood floors. he thinks my woody in the basement is a waste of space. i say his 5’4″ 215 pound frame is a waste of space. fat shit. he doesn’t even appreciate there are numerous hard as fuck projects down there.
Dude I have to admit I as well have been checking your site religiously for I have far to much free time. The point being post more shit!
loved it, hilarious as usual, More please!
however, if you want to be a TRULY sustainable climber you’ll harvest all of your friends coathanges, metal food cans, iPhones, small dogs and other metallic waste, melt it down and forge your own home-made rack of cams. worked for Jardine, so it’s good enough for me.
BAM solution found. we don’t have to terrorize wildlife with drill noise, and all gear can be made from recycling your friends’ wasteful byproducts of living. Leave No Trace taken to it’s logical green conclusion.
Years ago National Lampoon magazine had three tips for sustainable living:
1. Eat your own shit.
2. Rinse the dishes off with piss
3. Die before 30.
Hilarious article. You basically seemed to toy with the notion that much of the current environmental “green” movement is nonsense that has little effect on anything–and you are more right than you may even know.
It’s one thing to support smart conservation, and another to jump on the bandwagon of every supposed “green” cause without giving any thought to whether it will accomplish anything or not, or whether the problem it purports to address is actually worse than the proposed solutions would be. Unfortunately, too many people don’t think much but just everything they hear at face value, and then there are the dedicated wackos who take everything to such extremes that their answer is essentially: live like an Aboriginal.
The truth is, while there are issues that society’s attention, there are many more imaginary or trifling issues that are treated by activists as though they were of paramount importance; this serves only to distract from the more salient issues.
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