How to climb 5.12
So you want to climb 5.12. You’ve heard the average dog in Boulder cranks 5.12 in his sleep. Why are you still puttering around 11a? Follow our definitive guide and you’ll be redpointing the super classics like City Slicker.
Stop doing pullups. Lets face it, nobody who climbs 5.12 still thinks pullups are good training. Pullup pansies thrutch their way up 30 foot grid bolted 10+. Doubtless you know some ex-marine who puts in 50 chin ups before breakfast and just redpointed Love Slave. But those people are douchebags. You don’t want to be a douchebag do you?
Sell the Audi. People who climb 5.12 are broke. The fact that you are driving a car worth more than my house means one thing–you are spending too much time working and not enough time climbing. The only exception to this rule is if you inherited a trust fund. May your soul rot in an over bolted chipped roadcut in Texas.
Ipods. 5.12 is hard, which means you are going to need some dirty hip-hop beats to get you amped, psyched, and stoked enough to do it. If you’re afraid that Lil’ wayne is going to ruin your glorious communion with Gaia, give up mutherfucker. You are gey. You will never climb 5.12.