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Outdoor Products That Make Me Feel Weird

28 July 2009 3,265 views 10 Comments
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It’s really difficult to make me feel awkward. I guess that’s the beauty of actually BEING a little awkward, but who really knows. All I know is these outdoor products put a weird little feeling in my stomach. Kinda feels like having to sneeze and having acid reflux at the same time. I dunno. Just check them out and see for yourself.

Alright this one isn’t so bad. I mean we all have to use the loo occasionally what’s weird is that it’s just a bucket. A bucket with a hole. You have to shit in a bucket and then you have to carry it around with you. So far as I can tell there isn’t really a locking airtight smell safe lid either. You just use it. throw it in the back of your car and pull it out again when you need it. Kinda like driving a port-a-potty. Not psyched. Not pro.

Feminine products don’t really scare me. I don’t mind them. I see the necessity in them. I understand them, and I don’t feel awkward about menstruation. In fact this product seems pretty alright. Reusable thingy. You just have to wash it out a few times then throw it around later so you don’t have to throw away tampons and pads. What really gets me though is that it’s called a Diva Cup. A DIVA CUP. It’s a cup that holds some stuff. I don’t know I really don’t maybe a girl can explain it to me. Maybe if you own the luggable loo you can dispose of the contents of your DivaCup into the bucket. This is win-win. I still have no idea why this is an outdoor product. Maybe because to clean it you just set it on the ground and spray it with a hose.

So this is a tiny little electrical fence. It’s supposed to fend off bears. I’m amazed someone is even willing to test this one out. I’ve heard so many stories about bears being shot with GUNS and still moving around that the electricity generated by a fence than wouldn’t  start your car can thwart a bear from getting to your cup-o-noodles and power bars stashed deep inside your pack. Plus look at the thing. I could step over that and I’m not that tall. Certainly shorter than a bear. I just think it’s a little ridiculous not to mention the weird picture they used something to pose as a bear. I’m fairly certain it was the inventors dog who promptly knocked over the fence and at the Divacup he hid in his bags for “emergencies.”

Guess What! There’s finally a set of speakers shaped like rocks so when you’re bumping to Wu-Tang in the middle of the forest the people who get upset for ruining their nature experience will be pacified because hey, your music makers look like unrealistic stones. They even colored them for you like those Metolius hangers so they’ll blend in… OH wait. Nevermind. They look ridiculous.

Another feminine product! Sorry ladies. It’s obvious enough what this is. Instead of squatting behind a tree and trying to miss your feet you just have to squat behind a tree and try to aim for a funnel. Or stand up and pee like a man! Just think how cool you’ll look when you go to the bathroom and you pull out your very own girl pink pee pipe and walk off into the sunset to take care of business like a real girl. Would you all actually pack this thing in your packs? I doubt it, but who knows. The real question is after you use it, are you just going to shove it right back in your pack without cleaning it? Seems like more effort than it’s worth.

If anyone has anymore please post them. What makes YOU feel awkward?

Tags: awkward, weird


  • Tom said:

    Certain harnesses make me feel weird…but i think its a different feeling to what you had in mind.

    • uber said:

      every once in awhile, when reaching into my fleece lined chalkbag, i get a strange feeling….just shoving my fist into a relatively small, softly lined hole that occasionally has me heebied and jeebied.

      • Cassidy said:

        I rarely disagree with the Wig, but the luggable loo would be pimp in the creek. fuck standing in line at the bridgerjack toilet. needs an airtight seal though……..

        • bj said:

          I was definitely not hanging out at the same places as you at OR…

          • The Original Dollface Killa said:

            That’s right, he was hanging out with ME. But for real, did you find these at the show?

            My sister uses the diva cup as standard Wilderness Therapy protocol adhering to Leave No Trace ethics. She got tired of lugging the used um…business around and now all females at her company use these things. They are totally fucking weird though. You should see them in person.

            And as for the funnel thing, I’m psyched. Now I can pee standing up. Where does a lady get one of these?

            • jiggle said:

              lol. “menstrual solution”

              • Ariel said:

                I think you felt awkward about mentrual solutions and a pee funnel. Since those were obviously not enough to devote a page to, you must have decided to find any other possible item that might make you feel slightly awkward in order to balance it out.

                BTW… as a girl, pee funnels and flo-pouches make my stomach turn… Real classy chicks squat and can keep pee splatter off of their shoes. :)

                • Squish said:

                  I love Ariel…REAL classy chick.

                  • Amy said:

                    Dude, have you seen a used tampon in the woods or at the crag before? I have and it’s a gnarly, nasty eyesore. That being said these are my reasons that a diva cup is way more diva like than a tampon in the backcountry or sometimes front country

                    Other feminine products = required means of product disposal
                    Diva = no throw away wrappers or icky used feminine products for an animal to dig out of the ground

                    feminine products = always cost money each time you restock
                    Diva = one time fee and occasional replacement
                    (2 boxes of tampons/pads cost the same as a new carabiner or chalk. you choose where you want your money to go)

                    • Amy said:

                      And as for the funnel? Even my grandmother who’s 90 could handle a squat as opposed that peeing in the woods for dummies device. Now that is just plain ole lame. Real chicks pop a squat. And if they need that to pee, how the heck do they plan on emptying their solids? I hope and pray that there is not a funnel for that….

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