Crag Communication
15 September 2009 3,413 views 12 Comments
posted by limit
One of the hardest things about climbing actually has nothing to do with rocks but is actually communicating with other climbers at the crag. Climbers are a a strange passive aggressive lot who pretend to be full of happy, supportive congenial psyche that would make Oprah cry. This is all a facade of bullshit. Beneath all the pleasantries are a bunch of insecure ego maniacs trying to determine a pecking order without showing it. Figuring out what your fellow climbers really mean can be about as challenging as proving the Reiman hypothesis which is why we developed this quick and dirty translator for crag communication.
(just put your mouse on the image to see the translation)
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Obviously you are the paranoid insecure ass hat? enjoy projecting 5.7b
*uck Wassar. Limit rocks face.
I got one
Guys say:
“Hey, nice rack!”
Guys really mean:
“Hey, nice “rack”!” (if you know what I mean…)
They say (loudly): “That was WAAAAY off the grade!”
They mean:
(Option 1, having crushed the route) “Did you see how strong I am? I’m kind of a big deal. People know me.”
(Option 2, having failed) “I really can climb 5.whatever, I’m not as much of a punter as I looked on that route.”
What I say: “I’m going to send this.”
What I mean: “I’m not going to send this.”
While I was half way up trying to flash a route that looks like it’d be a good warm-up (had no guidebook).
What they said: “Yeah, just be careful…went I sent that route last year there was a black widow camped out in one of those holds right about where you are now.”
What they meant: “Screw you jackass this is my crag, you hear me? My crag and I’ll be darned if I let you onsight my project. Have fun trying to pull the lip on the micro-crimpers while avoiding the crucial “black widow” infested crux hold. Muahahaha.”
What they said (continued): “Why are you lowering down? You should just suck it up hit the hold and move on, I’m sure that black widow will leave you alone.”
What they meant: “HA! Victory is mine, did I mention this is my crag and my project??!? Now take your Solutions and go back over to the boulders where you belong. …I can’t believe he fell for the black widow bit HAHA…”
true story…I don’t know if there were any black widow’s there, but there certainly were plenty of snakes and other creatures around. It’s funny because his whole crew acted like I was crazy to even try and go up that route with the black widow issue…then I came across them a few hours later and they were all flailing on the route try to send their little “project” LOL.
What they said: “Hey that looks like a pretty cool little project! Mind if I give it a go?”
What they meant: “Hey you know that boulder you just spent the past two days cleaning and projecting and just finally got the first ascent? Well I’m going to hike up it for my warm up and you know what, I’m not even going to lace my shoes because I’m that much of a badass.”
yes AB, yes.
What I say: “You should DEFINITELY check out “(whatever route).”
What I mean: “You should climb that route that I fell off of and fall off it, too”
What I say: “Yea I’ll definitely try that beta next time I get on it”
What I mean: “I’m sorry, I was totally thinking about how sick it will be to get off Miguel’s porch and start drinking whiskey with my homies. What were were we talking about again?”
I don’t understand why you are comparing this to a math problem, but you badly misspelled Riemann.
They say (loudly): “That was WAAAAY off the grade!”
They mean:
(Option 1, having crushed the route) “Did you see how strong I am? I’m kind of a big deal. People know me.”
(Option 2, having failed) “I really can climb 5.whatever, I’m not as much of a punter as I looked on that route.”
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