Alright everyone it’s time again for another super duper P&C mega competition.
New Years is awesome. You drink a lot of champagne (or sparkling wine…), you stay up later, sometimes you get to kiss strangers because that’s what you’re supposed to do at midnight. Shit I watched Limit kiss TWO girls at midnight one time. I’m still not sure how he pulled that off actually. Anyway, this contest has nothing to do with photos, captioning them, or sending them to us. › Keep reading
Share on Facebook
Joe Kinder and Sebastian Hatt
Nelson sent us a video last week and I have no idea why it hasn’t been posted yet. Anyway click more to watch it. It’s excellent.
Joe kinder on Mr hatt the best climber ever from Nelson Carayannis on Vimeo.
Share on Facebook
Climber Dies In Mystery Crash on I-7o
In a tragic accident yesterday, climber Jeffrey Smith was killed in a mysterious crash while traveling on I-70 near Vail pass. The crash proved troubling to authorities because there were no other cars involved and they found zero evidence of drug or alcohol impairment. Officer Simon Gulch says the mystery was finally solved when an eyewitness came forward and described a surprising scenario. Joey Stiffler says he was a few car lengths behind the Subaru when I saw the driver wilding gesticulating. “At first I thought the driver and passenger were in a heated argument. It looked like they were close to fisticuffs. But then I realized he was pantomiming beta for Simply Read. That’s when I got really worried because it was obvious he was in The Zone rehearsing the route and was more concerned with his beta than with the road.” Joe says that the victim was two moves away from a vicious kneebar crux when he began honking, trying to break Smith from his daydream. “I could see it all playing out before it actually happened. The poor guy- he had the route so wired. Throwing that kneebar into the steering wheel must have been pure instinct at that point. I don’t think he ever realized what happened. He was clipping the anchors when I saw the car burst into flames.”
The parents of the victim have introduced a bill into the state senate which will ban climbers from discussing beta about any route while operating a motor vehicle. Says Jeffrey’s parents, “It’s a shame that there aren’t laws to prevent tragedies like this. I really think that the ban will make the roads safer for all of us.”
Share on Facebook
Wooooooo Hooooooo! We are back with some Jack Daniels or Early Times (depending on your budget) vengeance!!! It’s been a while since the prestigious Wednesday debauchery award has been presented, but alas, we have returned and are psyched about this Week’s hero!
Okay, so here is the situation. Most of you know that we have been Rifle bound the past 4 weekends in a row. We love Rifle and now that you know the “scene” in Rifle (thanks to A.B.) you may appreciate this scenario from the past weekend.
Friday afternoon, Arnold, Jen and I load up my rig with sleeping bags, climbing gear, dogs, Franzia, and Beer headed toward our weekend retreat, Rifle! On the way out Ms. Sauer and I begin the discussion on where we will lay our heads for the night. Two free camp sites are the topic, The Corral or The Meadow. We decide on my choice The Corral, but Jen keeps baiting me with how good the Meadow is, so I give in. As we turn off I-70 at New Castle we crack a beer and enjoy the 12 or so miles into the canyon. As we pass the familiar walls of Rifle Mountain Park and head up canyon to the free camping I get minutely psyched about camping in Aspens and cooler weather.
After a slight missed turn, we pull into The Meadow. We see one party and decide to park semi-close to their raging fire. As we step out of the truck we notice that the campfire is really bonfire and the vehicles that encompass the fire are all huge SUVs tha are blaring satellite hip-hop radio. Normally, we would be psyched, but tonight we are tired and want to get some rest for two days of climbing. If you know me, I sleep very well, anywhere, anytime, with anyone! I fall asleep, quick. Jen on the other hand is having some trouble. She decides in her hip-hop induced insomnia to politely ask our friends to turn their music down a little. She was faced with adversity, bitchy adversity at that. Evidently, this was what I refer to as a “Bachellorete Rager“! All women, all Rednecks, all Drunk!
What more can I say. So, the award goes to Jen for her actions the next morning. Like I said, I slept through the whole thing, as I am known to do. Jen however, did not. She was up and at’em around 6:30 or so. Waiting patiently for Arnold and I to rise for the morning. Her initial plan, play loud music, but she settled on honking my horn for 30 seconds or so and screaming at the top of her lungs, “GOOD MORNING!!! And then we left. Scared.
So, Jen Sauer gets Whiskey Wednesday for having the balls to stand up to Redneck Rifle Women, who probably have guns and probably know how to use them effectively.
Share on Facebook
Meet the (Climbing) Press
I’ve been thinking, which is a rarity so I’m acting on my impulses here. I figure not too many of you really know the people that run the mags, write the articles, or shoot the photos for all this climbing media. They seem so inaccessible, but really they’re nice people, and not, for the most part, people to be hatin’ on. So I’m starting this new section Meet the (Climbing) Press, so everyone will finally know the people behind the computer, keyboard, or lens.
Matt Samet was kind enough to take time out of his busy day and tell me about being Climbing Magazine’s Editor-In-Chief.
Matt Samet: Cool, then let me run to the john real quick and then I’ll be back.
Back — great Success!
Great, so what’s your title officially at Climbing?
I was editor for a year and now am editor-in-chief…officially
Well then, that’s a sparkly little badge. How long have you been writing for the climbing media?
Let’s see, my very first piece was a comp report on the White Rock Meltdown in 1991 — then in 1996 I moved to Italy and was feeding World Cup and Hot Flashes-type info to the mag all that year. My first substantial piece was prolly a Vantage Point, on getting served in Europe, ca. 1996/1997 or so. I guess it made the editors laugh, and they gave me a column after that. So, let’s say 12 years….
Since, you’ve managed to make yourself one of the most prolific and recognized writers in the climbing media. Of all the shit you’ve ever written, what was your most favorite piece or rather the article you were most proud of?
Oh, my… You know, it might be one in the last issue of Climbing on the newsstands, a profile piece on Doug Phillips — an amazing inventor. The piece pushed me to research cam-making and things I didn’t know much about otherwise. It was a great experience. The same issue, I did a short thing - 10 Things you didn’t know about Hollywood Climbing Movies. Again, tons of research, and days and days of calls and emails just to get 800 words, but I got to hear all these killer stories about the climbers who do stunt work in Hollywood…the best ones, I couldn’t print!
Any pieces that weren’t quite as rewarding to write?
I don’t like some of the more snarky, negative columns I’ve written over the years. I wouldn’t write those things again…
I know you put up a fair number of routes at Rifle. What’s the best Rifle story you got? I mean weren’t you the one that gave Dumpster BBQ its name? or am i wrong about that?
Yeah, me and Scott Leonard named that one — he’d bolted it, and let me climb on it. I can’t remember if it was him or I that came up with it. Maybe one of the funniest things that ever happened was, we were just this obnoxious crew, even more so on rest days, when we were bored as hell. So one day we took to driving up and down the canyon yelling “Whooooo!” like a bunch of frat boys. My friend Greeno was doing this through the campground out of Jim Surette’s truck, and a cop happened to be up there. He wasn’t psyched, and he pulled Jim over, and I don’t think Jim had insurance — he got railed.
But I had started it all, with the Whooing that morning, so I remember both of those guys were kind’a choked at me, but they also thought it was funny. So, that’s the best story you could print…there are others, not fit for print!
We were so bored out there…it’s so boring.
We did that last time I was there with the bag from a box of wine, we just ripped the bag out and started chugging away like it was a blood transfusion bag. We just added to the idea people already had about us Okies.
I hope it was Franzia.
I’m not entirely sure that I remember most of that day so I can’t say for sure. So I know most editors (myself included) are terrible jackasses and tend to make jackasses of themselves in print. Any outstanding beefs still out in climbing community?
I don’t have beef with anyone, no, but I’m sure there are people who don’t like me — that’s life, though. I used to kind of push people’s buttons, but I was young and stupid and easily influenced. Now I just want to be left alone, to climb with my fiancee, friends, play Xbox, nap…
What do you think about the ridiculous duffers devoting their time to multimillion post threads on Supertopo about little insignificant rocks?
I like lurking there and watching the arguments/discussions develop — it can be pretty lively. People like arguing on the Internet — it’s the great equalizer. So rocks are probably as good a thing to argue about as any. I doubt the rocks much care what we’re saying, one way or the other.
I suppose you’re probably right, the last rock I talked to didn’t much care for my wanderings.
Sounds about right — rocks make good listeners, but they don’t talk much. And when they do, it’s cuz CHOSS is sliding off and you should GTFO!
I heard Vitamin H (or D?) whichever did that in Rifle some time ago. Told some people to fuck off?
Yeah, the whole right side of the Arsenal kinda gave us the old Amityville Horror “Get Out!” I’m sure the rest of it will fall down at some point. The first 20 feet of Pump-a-rama are hollow and terrifying — it’s the same plaque that cut already.
Here’s a question for you — why do climbers in the blogosphere hate on the mags so much? Not your site, per se, but I’ve seen it out there.
Because they’ve never worked in a magazine before and they’re jealous of your writing and climbing skillz. They don’t understand what work it is and how the system works.
I think there’s this misconception of these mags as some monolithic media, but right now, Climbing’s editorial staff is two editors working 70-hour weeks, an art director doing the same, a small ad crew busting ass, one webmaster, one half-time employee, two interns…we’re really small.
I know right? We had to add a girl to our small crew just so we wouldn’t seem like three horny dudes.
We’re not Fox News or CNN, which really aren’t media…we’re just some scrappers trying to put together a mag every four to six weeks.
What top two pieces of advice would you give the climbers of today?
Check your systems and check your knot — people die doing this sport. It’s reality.
Well that’s a good one I suppose. You used to do some pretty crazy stuff. I’ve seen Front Range Freaks what’s the draw?
I guess for me, it’s always been new routes in whatever style. Since you couldn’t bolt up in the Flatirons then, I tried some headpointing and some ground-up scare leads. It was a cool experiment, but purely personal. I think the draw is seeing where your mental boundaries lie while working well within your physical comfort zone — a unique game. Maybe too calculated, but it teaches you something…
If you weren’t working for a climbing mag what would you be doing?
Probably copy-writing, freelance editing, night-stocker at a grocery store–nice and quiet, you get to wear headphones– or living in a van down by the river.
Share on Facebook
Today’s crag exposure comes from P&C’s friend Andrew Bisharat. Rifle needed to be covered, and Andrew is the only person I could think of that would do it better than me, so naturally, I convinced him it was a good idea. Enjoy. -Wig
When people think of Rifle, they think of what could only be called “A Scene”: shirtless posers, loser spraylords, dumb beta scammers, belay gumbies, non-pimps, overly self-conscious females who annoyingly whisper to each other while sitting on rope bags, dreadlocked trip-hoppers, and the gaper choads of climbing gyms who have everything to prove and nothing to lose by talking as loudly as possible.
Guess what? In this case, people are completely right. (How often does that happen?)
Rifle IS a Scene. It’s fucking annoying. At least to me, a “local,” which is to say that my opinion overrides the opinions of just about everyone reading this.
On weekends, I am forced to park in butt-fuck-istan (aka The Bauhaus) with all the chossers and Mexicans. Then, I have to walk up to 10 minutes just to go wait in line to climb my favorite warm-up, Rehabilitator (5.11c). This is Not Fucking Cool! I hate walking. If I wanted to walk, I would get on a treadmill and drink apricot smoothies and smell my own farts. Rather, I want to fall out of my car into my harness and, in an instant, be pissing all over Your Project (5.easy).
Some say that the climbing in Rifle is pretty fun. These people have never been to France or Mallorca, where there is actual quality stone and beautiful scenery. Those who have been abroad and still think that Rifle is good need to be Danza slapped.
Climbers go to Rifle for the same reason that gay men sign up for priest seminary school: To hate themselves by repressing their most intrinsic nature. Rifle is not a place to Send—it’s a place to suffer, suck and fail. Crushing your psyche into a bitter, vestigial ego totally describes the climbing experience here.
Arguably, the best part of Rifle may be how many climbers with vaginas it attracts. “Females,” as they are otherwise known, may be showing increasing presence throughout the climbing community (especially compared to the 1970s, when you could count the number of Climber Girls on one cloven hoof), but nowhere do you find a higher concentration of Girls Who Crush than at Rifle.
This canyon is a fantastic place to socialize and flirt, and that (not the climbing) is certainly the strongest attraction for many. This is why you rarely see people leading, and more often see gumbies hanging out by their big, stupid camper-cars with annoying little stove-and-cooler set-ups, sniffing each other’s crotches like a pack of wild dogs.
Big fucking deal. Anyone can tighten their harness leg loops to make their baby dicks look bigger, but not everyone can interact with members of the opposite sex. You don’t see many Rifle climbers, say, “rollin’ up on dat shorty and spittin’ hot fire.” Instead, Riflers play strange mindfuck games, like they do in sexually repressed Japan, such as projecting an adjacent route to their love interest. This works right up until the Female realizes that she climbs much harder than the Male, whose ego becomes even further crushed because of the gender prejudices concerning athletic performance that still linger among a majority of climber dudes. But again, having your ego crushed is the quintessential Rifle experience, so it’s fine.
The climbing here can best be described as “tricky.” Climbers take months or, not atypically, years before finally reducing a hard climb with enough kneebar trickery and dickhole jessery. In fact, what people “do” in Rifle is barely considered rock climbing in the Eastern bloc of Europe.
So what? This is America, which gives us the freedom to be Louder and Righter than anyone else. It’s the embodiment of this attitude and the freedom to yell “MEX-I-CO!” on the rare occasions I send something that continues to draw me back. Huh? Never mind, robot, and listen to what I say: Rifle is the best summer crag in the United States, and right now its “Scene” is one of the most fun, none-too-serious parties rocking the vertical ghetto.
If you know how to laugh at yourself, and more important, bring extra beer for Me, Rifle can be a pretty good time. I don’t know. There must be some reason that I spend every weekend there. Maybe I just enjoy hating myself. It was either Rifle or priest school.
CAMPING: Campsites are getting fuller and more crowded as the years go on. As a result, more cops come up to patrol on the weekends, which is BAD. Keep a low profile, and don’t do anything stupid. Rules are: no more than two cars and two tents per site.
Rifle is extremely busy and possibly dangerous. There was once a veritable holocaust of two unfortunate victims in a dumpster here. Hungry-looking bears have been spotted in the Wicked Cave. Old, worn draws have been known to slice ropes quicker than bushido blades. Fingers have been lost to desperate clips. Consider not coming to Rifle in the first place. There’s perfectly reasonable climbing in Clear Creek Canyon.
ACCESS: Rifle is open to climbing, but it doesn’t have to be. Keeping this place open means not being a Dumbasss Idiot. And by that, I mean: Don’t belay in the road at the Project wall. Pay the $5 entrance fee (or buy a season pass). Pay for your campsite ($7/night). Don’t park like an autistic loser in illegal spots. Clean up your trash. Don’t shit everywhere. Be friendly. Leave Me alone. And most importantly, keep your dog on a leash. Better yet, don’t bring your dog at all. I assure you that your pet is not as well behaved or cute as you think it is. Rifle’s crag dogs are often annoying and always wet. If this were Mexico, they’d be shot.
PROJECTING ATTITUDE: You’re not special, no one cares about you, and what you are doing is not badass. People climbed all of these routes over a decade ago, before there were gyms to train in. They also didn’t have 15 years of beta refinement from which you now so thoughtlessly rely upon to climb even the most straightforward routes. Leave the attitude at home, in the Front Range, where it belongs.
MUST-DO ROUTES: There’s nothing worth climbing here under 5.13b. Still, some gumbies say they like: Pinch Fest (5.12b), Hand Me the Canteen Boy (5.12d), Cardinal Sin (5.12a), Choss Family (5.11c), Rumor Has It (5.11b) and Do The Mashed Potato (5.7). Other favorites include: Anti-Phil (5.13b), Sprayathon (5.13c), Fluff Boy (5.13c), Pump-o-Rama (5.13a), I’m Not a Philistine (best 5.12c in canyon), Sometimes Always (5.13c), Simply Read (5.13d) and Zulu (5.14a).
Avoid: Cryptic Egyptian (5.13c). It’s a zero-star pile of glued shit.
Check out Dave Pegg’s brand-new guidebook to Rifle (and other Western Slope choss piles), which should be arriving in stores this week. Notable changes to the guidebook include downgrading The Beast to 5.12d and upgrading Roadside Prophet to 5.14a.
REST-DAY ACTIVITIES: Cleaning up trash. Brushing chalk off of my projects. Replacing old, worn draws by contributing your brand new ones.
Share on Facebook