How to Sport Climb
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I just got this promo video from friend Andrew Bisharat. He just wrote this new book about sport climbing that promises to teach you how to be a badass. If you don’t know who Andrew Bisharat is. Shame on YOU. He often pops up on the site in the comments section saying something pithy and full of self-delusion under the name AB if you see one of these comments make sure to give him as much shit AS POSSIBLE. He likes it because it makes him feel validated in the climbing world, plus he’s a pretty good dude. Buy his book when it comes out in October! You can check the book out here, and if you click through you can see the promo video featuring Emily Harrington and Sam Elias. HOLY SHIT!
Sport Climbing- From Toprope to Redpoint from Mike Call on Vimeo.
wow “senior editor at R&I”. That must mean bitchalot has TONs of trad, aid, big wall, alpine experience, otherwise how could he legitimately handle that job.
Surely the book will include how-to shit-at-the-crags technique, since the paper used to print his R&I articles is integrally involved in that process.
daaaaaamn, burned.
wig, diggin all the new posts lately. keep ‘em comin.
Climbing is a wayyyyy better mag than Rock & Ice.
It’s not that I don’t appreciate AB’s sense of humor, its just that his writing is….trite. Yup, that pretty much sums it up.
At first, I thought that this, like most other posts on P&C was a joke.
Actually, I am still not convinced that it’s not.Though I am interested in this Bolts for Dummies.
AB’s got my respect and I wouldn’t call his writing trite – I think he complains more about shit and dogs on our silly passion more than almost anyone else! His words are full of the stuff people don’t say or are afraid to or could just care less about. I think we can find a better word to put AB down. Plus he helps me make fun of other people I see climbing – this is very helpful to my defeating ego.
I don’t think I saw a knee-bar in the promo video – now I am doubting that it’s legit.
That was such a trite response.
Climbing better than R&I? Are you serious? Have you looked at it since 05? It sucks. R$I is the new journal of rock climbing.
@youaren’tserious?
The “new journal of rock climbing” was Alpinist.
I didn’t say Climbing is the best thing since stout ale, just that its better than Rock & Ice.
Rock & Ice looks nice with the large format, but that’s all it is: the pretty blonde with the huge rack (pun intended?), but little in the way of intelligent conversation.
PS – Your mom sucks.
Seriously, you’re out of your mind. But that’s just my opinion.
Send me an e-mail with your address. I’ll send you a copy of my book when it comes out, as well as an issue of Rock and Ice. I know my writing’s not great all the time, or even most of the time. But I think you’ll like my book. I also want to send you some of the feature’s I’ve written in Rock and Ice, which I am most proud of. You can check those out, and if you still think I suck and my writing is trite, that’s just your opinion. Agree to disagree, when in Rome, IDWIFW, and so on.
Anyway, thanx for checking out the video promo, and thanx to the Wig for posting it up on this excellent site. Please feel free to e-mail me with any questions. And if Sexy Sadie would like a resume of climbing achievements, or perhaps some more high-gloss toilet paper, I can get her/him/it those things too.
You all realize you’re having an argument about climbing magazines in the comment section of an article about a book about sport climbing on a website that tends to take the piss out of everything that has to do with climbing. I’m amazed you all actually keep checking back just to talk to each other.
Yes ab by all means post up your climbing resume, let’s see how deep
in the game one needs to be to be a senior editor at r&i
@serious
Just for the record, my mom swallows. AB, keep it up. Fuck the haters. Fuck them in the dick hole with shards of glass, and make them scream for universal health care.
that video sucks though…just like my mom.
Ha!
Here’s my resume:
I’ve climbed every two and three-star trad/sport route/wall/alpine climb/boulder problem in the country and I know the difference between further and farther; lie, lay, lied; your and you’re; and apparently, how to correctly use semi-colons.
Oh yeah, and I drink shit-tons of beer and whisky. I don’t really know what that has to do with my job, but it sort of seems like the most vital element of all.
Yo, ok, here we go.
A round of shots for everyone here, ok? Good.
Everything is cool, we’re all fellow climbers here.
About the answer I’d expect from someone who’s never really done anything. I’m sure your “How Not To Die While Clipping Bolts at Rifle” book will be just as excrement-worthy as the rest of your writing.
Idiot.
Just so everyone is aware and before anyone takes this whole post too fucking seriously and gets angry and starts internet stalking me:
Calm the hell down. In the words of the illustrious author of this post, I’m doing my best to “give him as much shit AS POSSIBLE.”
AB: I appreciate the offer about the book. I’ll think about it. While I don’t know that I need another climbing book on the shelf, take heart in that I’ll look to you as the climbing industry’s drinking Yoda.
@youaren’tserious?
“Fuck them in the dick hole with shards of glass.” You need counseling.
AB’s Tuesday Night Bouldering is badass.
And everything else he does.
Like Birdman, Jackass.
Period.
That’s a lot of talk coming the anonymous lt dan. You sound really bitter. Did you want to be a magazine editor? Are you jealous? Judging by the content of your angry little comments you’ve got some serious like… little man syndrome.
Anyway quit being bitchy. Next time get a better fake email too. The name and email you’re working with aren’t even creative.
AB, I’m a big fan. As someone mentioned above, I love that you’re willing to say things that I think of but chicken-out on. I preordered the book and am psyched for its arrival. Keep up the good work, man.
ps: you gotta get those other folks outta the TNB role… yours are way funnier. (ok, jeff’s pretty funny too. but seriously, get back to work.)
I just find it funny that someone who probably couldn’t even build an anchor at a trad crag would be writing instructional books, or holding down a job at a climbing mag. It reeks of the wannabe-celebrity, “famous for being famous” syndrome of someone who wants the notoriety of being an accomplished climber WITHOUT EVER HAVING ACTUALLY DONE ANYTHING. That should get you (at best) a one page profile in Urban Climber, not senior editor at R&I. People like that are the reason the climbing mags are a joke these days.
Looks like a good book – I was amazed to hear AB sound so serious; at least until the last sentence, something like “nothing would make me happier than to see more people out on the rock, enjoying sport climbing.” As long as they’re not on your project, right? More opportunities to take the piss, I guess.
Seriously, will be handy for me, as the local stuff is so geary I know my ignorant-factor is high when it comes to sport climbing, in spite of limit’s best efforts to keep me abreast of the nuances.
Plus it’s cool to see Emily H on vid after meeting her at Quartz. Small frikkin’ woild.
Dan. Listen and LISTEN WELL. because you’re making a fool of yourself by being a fucking retard.
Andrew’s a friend of mine I know he’s done tons of trad and wall climbing. He’s been a trad climber longer than he’s been a sport climber (north east yo…)He’s done hard trad mixed and ice climbs, first ascents, el cap aid routes in a day, alpine-style ascents of peaks, some solo, that take most parties DAYS. He knows more about equalizing anchors than most gumbies know about their own dicks. And more about climbing than you seem to know.
quit being a cunt on my site for no reason at all other than your own inferiority complex. No one knows who you are and no one gives a fuck.
“He’s done hard trad mixed and ice climbs, first ascents, el cap aid routes in a day, alpine-style ascents of peaks, some solo…”
I don’t believe a fucking word of that. AB has done El Cap aid routes in a day. Really. It sounds just like more of the lies those toilet-paper mags print.
I am reasonable though – post up AB, let’s hear about it. Routes? Pictures? Partners? Surely someone who sprays that hard would have no problem being called out for some facts.
Bisharat doesn’t need your approval or validation. In fact no one here needs your approval of andrew. You, so far, seem to be the only one “calling him out.” I doubt he’ll post a resume for some halfwit who still can’t own up to the fact that he’s a friendless anonymous poser who dishes out hate (that is really just you’re own speculation) on people he doesn’t even know.
Instead of making this a public argument and remaining the secret little fucktard you’re being. Email him. I’m certain he’ll gladly talk to when you stop being a whiner and own up to a)who you are b)why you’re being a total jackass that has left the fun zone and plummeted straight into the douchebag zone and c)you don’t force him to be a spray lord IN THE COMMENT SECTION OF PIMPINANDCRIMPIN.COM just so he can prove a silly point to you.
the fact that he was hired as senior editor at R&I speaks to the fact that he deserves the job considering her has 3 (three) bosses.
Lt. Dan. go suck one.
So, first it’s “give him as much shit as possible because it makes him feel validated”, then when that happens you get all girly on me and insist on taking it to email.
He’s not the one saying he’s done El Cap aid routes (plural, even!) in a day – you are, and I think you’re full of shit. And yes, it is just my own speculation, but no, it’s not just a silly point, is it, or you wouldn’t be bleeding from your ass in public on your own ghey website, would you?
If you’re gonna make those kind of claims in public, then back them up. Give me an El Cap IAD route and partner name, and I’ll out myself and apologize.
Dear Lt Shithead
I suppose it’s not so bizarre for you to assume that I am not a “real” climber since there’s certainly a record of people who have held editorships at climbing magazines and who don’t know the first thing about equalizing anchors. I can definitely think of a few that I’ve seen come and go at competing titles. The problem with these people, however, is that they don’t really love climbing, and so they don’t stick around when they realize that what they’re being paid isn’t worth all the crap they have to put up with.
You’re right, though. I’m a mediocre climber. At best! I haven’t done anything in the vertical world that isn’t attainable by someone with access to a gym and a working knowledge of gear. Since you’ve made such a fuss over my ticklist, here are some highlights, off the top of my head, from my past 10 or so years in the sport: I’ve redpointed 5.13d’s, flashed 5.13s, onsight deep-water-soloed 70-foot 5.12+’s, done hard aid routes in the Fisher Towers, done link-ups in the Black Canyon, made winter ascents of Cannon, climbed WI 5+ ice and M9 mixed, done alpine-style ascents of routes in the “himalayas of the south” in New Zealand, and established 5.13 and M7 first ascents. And, yes, I’ve climbed El Cap in a day, by the very easy trade route Zodiac. I think we did it in 11 hours, but I can’t remember since it was a long while ago: I had only been climbing for two or three years at the time.
I’ve also fallen on 5.9, backed off 5.10 slabs, said “take” because I was too scared to climb above a totally safe bolt, been so hungover in Eldo that the only thing I was able to climb was the Bastille Crack (this has happened about three times) and was totally gripped the whole way up, and in general, failed more than I’ve succeeded.
I admit that all of these things are totally mediocre and unimpressive by today’s standards and I’m not being sarcastic. It’s one of the reasons why I find it so odd that you’re so obsessed with this “El Cap in a day” thing. Why would that, of all things, be so unbelievable to you? It’s perhaps one of the more mundane feats there is in American climbing today. Do you really suck that badly that you’d find an ascent of El Cap in a day to be in the slightest bit impressive? You know, I hear there’s a new book coming out that might just help you improve your game …
Anyway, more to the point: I don’t believe that any of my achievements (or failures) qualifies or disqualifies me to be a “senior editor” at Rock and Ice. But don’t be intimidated, Lt. Pussy! “Senior editor” is just a meaningless title. I wouldn’t care if it instead read “mediocre fact checker” next to my name on the masthead. That’s because I love my job. In fact, I think being such a gumby climber is one of my strongest assets as an editor since I can write stuff that even illiterate wingnuts like you can relate to. What better person is there to write a how-to book than a person who is not naturally talented? Imagine a how-to sport climb book by Sharma! It might be one page long and say something like, “just go climbing all the time, and um, try hard. Really hard. It worked for me.”
Also, trust me that I don’t put in 50 hours a week out of any desire for “fame,” as you suggested. Making magazines is actually fun, despite the fact that I occasionally have to deal with cowardly slander from shitheads like you who, I’m guessing, is some irrelevant has-been who doesn’t climb anymore, hates his job and, judging from your fascination with “celebrity,” is probably from Southern California, likely L.A., where people actually give a fuck about meaningless stuff like that. I’ve also guessed that you’re from L.A. since that is the only place in the country that I know of where climbers don’t take other climbers for their words.
Is my guess right? What’s up with that, man?
It saddens me that I have to dignify you with a response, but where I grew up, I learned early on that you have to stick up for yourself, even if it sometimes means adding fuel to the fire. To the other people who, unfortunately, have had to read this post, sorry–I don’t want this to be interpreted the wrong way. I have pretty thick skin, and I actually don’t really give a damn what Lt Dan says … Also, I’m sorry for spraying about what a mediocre climber I am. I know my place in the world, and am happy to be where I am, though I’m always striving to improve. I put a lot–A LOT–of work into my book, and I work hard at my job, and it can be frustrating to hear people try to rip it apart before the book has even come out simply because they have nothing better going on in their lives, and because they have no voice. Because they feel tiny, insignificant, small, powerless.
I think it’s true that everyone wants a voice: to be heard, to be seen, to influence something, somehow. In some instances, this desire to Be Heard results in people doing great things that other people appreciate and benefit from. Other times, it results in cowardly slander that is embarrassing, dumb, insignificant, and worst of all, a fucking waste of my time.
I realize that “putting myself out there,” or whatever, will inevitably bring out people like Captain Coward, and I suppose that just comes with the territory. Maybe the good Lt. will now do the same and reveal to all of us who he is, and what he does. But I hope not; it would make me deeply sad to realize the degree to which there are lonely people out there who are so desperate for validation.
Anyway, back to you, Lt. Dickhole. You have your response. If you’d like to make a complaint about the qualifications of my climbing abilities to the Rock and Ice management, I implore you to do so. Believe me, they’d love to hear from you … but only if you’re a subscriber, of course. If you’re not, then go fuck yourself.
Finally, I assure you that even if I didn’t have my job, I’d still be writing the same stuff (even if no one reads it), and still be publishing a book that attempts to help people sport climb better. The only difference is that I’d probably be a better climber since I wouldn’t be stuck behind a computer 40 hrs/week.
And by the way, Lt. Dan, it takes a lot of “balls” to slander someone anonymously … but not a lot of brains. Try using those next time you write your anonymous bullshit.
No partner name. You’re lying. You wouldn’t be getting so worked up if you weren’t. Funny how you don’t realize that that, and the name calling, and the novella-length response, is the obvious tell.
Makes no difference to me – you live by the sword, you die by the sword. It’s just a little sad and pathetic when you compare the way the mags used to be compared to the way they are now.
You are like a high functioning retard. May you enjoy being a bitchy little shit eater into old age.
“the novella-length response, is the obvious tell.”
Yeah, the obvious tell that he’s a writer, douchestick.
Uhh, your mom is a high functioning retard…
BAM!! Damn, what a ZINGER!
Wow. And to think, I could have spent the last few minutes finishing up reading about modal metaphysics.
I stumbled onto this thread completely at random cause the Wig gave me a P and C t-shirt at the trade show and I wore it yesterday. It reminded me to check on my fave website——mainly to see if there was a new CCGOTW. Cause I’m old and lecherous.
I’m really sorry that AB is having to deal with some loser slagging his book. For the record, I’ve roped up with AB on many occasions and he is proficient at a high level——trad, ice, mixed, sport, bouldering. Right now he is absorbed in sport climbing and has brought his considerable writing talents to bear on the subject. I’ve read his new book, and it’s great.
Lt. Dan, I’d like to beat you down so hard you’d have to unzip your fly to say howdy. But that’s barbaric and wrong, though fun to think about. Perhaps you can stop by RI World Headquarters here in Carbondale and go climbing with us. That way you could check out AB’s ability in person? That would be better than wasting so many anonymous words on an online forum, wouldn’t it? We could get beers after climbing and finish this whole thing off with Man Hugs. Sound good? Just stop by anytime, buddy, and remember that Uncle Jefe loves cowards like you, as well as heroes like AB.
Lt Dan has the same feel as when Bronco trolled wichitamountains.org threatening to retrobolt some classic x rated routes. I think Lt. Dan is Private Bronco. Just sayin’. I really hope it’s somebody on the inside who didn’t know how to cut it off when they went too far. If not, and you’re really as dumb as you sound, I think you should play this new game called Russian Roulette with yourself, you’ll have a blasty blast!
If this is a tricky little ploy using the idea that no press is bad press, it worked. I’m buying the book.
No No, Steven the shit that Lt. Dan has delved in this thread is upper echelon idiotic, therefore, I am not genius enough to get inside the mind of this level of fuckeryness. Thanks for the compliment though.
Dude… just to stretch the topic a bit and spread a little Bisharat love, the newest issue of R&I it totally worth it for the pics that AB took.
Wig I think you’re amazing right now. Or, more correctly, at the times you commented this thread.
And AB, I am going to buy your book, Stevenc was right; all this talk intrigues me and I want to see what you’ve written. Im sorry you have to take shit from some brainless nobody, it really makes me angry that he’s trying so hard to belittle you. BUT, we all know that its not going to really affect you, I should think you are better then that. (It sounds better to say ‘I know you are’ but I don’t actually know, so this is the best I can do) Yes? OK, great!
PS. Im a little sad I cant participate in the Man Hugs JJ was mentioning. Can they be co-ed instead?
Lt. Suck,
Your logic is impeccable: You don’t know Andrew nor have you seen him climb, therefore you KNOW he’s unqualified to be Senior Editor at R&I and unqualified to write a book.
Oh wait, that’s not logical at all.
Why are you so qualified to decide who can and can’t climb well? Andrew doesn’t have to meet your arbitrary standards of excellence (EVEN THOUGH HE FAR EXCEEDS THEM) to be qualified to write a book.
Andrew’s “novella length” response is indicative of his dedication to the sport and his well deserved reputation as a great climber and a great writer. The fact that you mocked him for writing “a lot” is indicative of you being an idiot without the intelligence or an attention span to engage in intellectual debate or admit that you’re wrong.
AB – can’t wait to read your book!
Lt. Dan’s last post is obviously BS to get a response…
i have a theory: this whole thing was orchestrated as a publicity play for the book. ab = lt. dan. well played, sirs.
still a good book though, if you’re into the whole sport climbing thing. personally, i’d rather just dry tool in the gym. fuck the system.
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