People who quit smoking are annoying. They are really proud and loud. They talk incessantly about their great “feat”, which nobody else gives a shit about. They are like somebody who just redpointed their first 5.8 trad line. They sit they and tell you every move, every piece of gear and it never crosses their mind that nobody else cares. We all pretend to care. We all congratulate them. It’s like conversion stories Christians have about getting “saved.” Every Christian has one. None of them are interesting.
Anyway, that’s just the …

Bouldering in America is good, like, really good. Huge independent blocs dot the landscape in Bishop, mega-classic problems line up like an outdoor gym down in Hueco, Font-like Sandstone rabbit terds lurk in the deep south, and epic glass variation eliminate classics have been carved out of the Dakota sandstone in the one-horse town of Morrison, Colorado.

A couple weeks ago, we showed you how to accessorize yourself to look like a seasoned baller boulder. Not to leave anybody out, this week we’re doing the same for you tradsters out there.

The stitch plate: this belay device was invented circa 35 B.C. Although belay devices have come a long way since then, as a trad climber its you job to inform the world that the olden days were the golden days. The easiest way to do this is by using the shittiest belay device ever made.

 
If you’ve been to Indian Creek, Utah, then you obviously know it’s unlike any other climbing destination in the world!  I think Indian Creek is where climbers get the egregiously abused term “splitter,”  which typically means “that is awesome.”  Aside from building climbing vernacular, Indian Creek is good for other stuff too, like beautiful wingate parallel sided cracks that you can climb and have fun doing so!  So lube up your camming devices, learn how to fabricate tape gloves, and get your little red slippers, we’re going to The Creek!

Canon City, America, home to Ortega’s (best New Mexican Food outside New Mexico), Colorado’s largest Penitentiary (known as the Alcatraz of the Rockies), and Shelf Road rock climbing!  Probably Colorado’s best, most expansive face climbing area, Shelf Road hosts hundreds and hundreds of routes with a little something for everyone.  Experience the Vertical Beach this winter, jump for more info on Shelf…

Stick Clipping
Sometime in the dawn of the prehistoric age, man began using sticks as tools. Whether as clubs or drawing tools, the stick became essential to Caveman’s survival. Interestingly, I find that there are striking similarities between sport climbers and Caveman: they sit around in the dirt, they employ similar mating rituals (mostly grunting and flexing). They also both love their sticks. You probably think I’m full of shit, but in reality, I have been in contact with several prominent anthropologists regarding these similarities.

WARNING: with blue and grey streaked walls so steep and pockets so small you may spontaneously blurt out phrases in French. People have been shot for much less in this part of Wyoming. For the goodies on TS hit the jump now!

Today’s crag exposure comes from P&C’s friend Andrew Bisharat. Rifle needed to be covered, and Andrew is the only person I could think of that would do it better than me, so naturally, I convinced him it was a good idea. Enjoy. -Wig
Rifle
When people think of Rifle, they think of what could only be called “A Scene”: shirtless posers, loser spraylords, dumb beta scammers, belay gumbies, non-pimps, overly self-conscious females who annoyingly whisper to each other while sitting on rope bags, dreadlocked trip-hoppers, and the gaper choads of …

I start out with a verbal sigh because Eldorado Canyon or Eldo, as its affectionately known, is a major Destination Crag that shouldn’t be penned with fleeting thoughts. I will probably fail one hundred percent, but here goes.
The canyon, characters, bolts or lack there of, pins, flakes, towers, and history make Eldo one of the most famous rock climbing areas in the U S of A. This sandstone wonder-canyon can make men cry, women swoon, and send Euros packing. Located just south of the People’s Republic of …

With a name like ‘The Monastery‘ you may think your cragging experience religious as you foray through spines of stone high above the Big Thompson river. Well, I guess that hinges on whether you send or don’t send. However, everyone can find something that satisfies their soul at this shischt/gneiss sanctuary. Whether you’re looking for sandbagged Tommy Caldwell steepness, moderate slabs, or classic face climbing you are sure to find something to thank the gods for. Additionally, The Monastery is a good area, but you should …