Stone Superlatives
posted by wig
We are still trying to round out our end of the year awards so here’s another bunch.
Remember all of those COOL kids from your high school got that page in the yearbook with clever little predictions and stupid little attributes like best smile, biggest flirt, most likely to make a million dollars? Well none of us geeky climbers probably got those, (except me, I magically won most athletic which is odd because I weighed 114 lbs in high school…) and none of us made a million dollars either, and we thought it was time for a little recognition. We compiled a little list of climbers for our version of senior superlatives which we are uncreatively calling Stone Superlatives. I must admit though, we don’t know some of you so we just had to make educated guesses, and we could be completely wrong, so don’t be offended we just included you because we like you. You didn’t get one? Well just like in high school you’re probably just not cool enough.
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Best Belay Adam Ondra Adam is winning this award because he’s just a little guy and I think it would be physically impossible to not get a soft catch from him. Plus he’s basically the definition of a rope gun. I’d tie in with him any day. |
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Best “Belay” Lauren Lee I’m not explaining this one. It’s more of one of those…hypothetical awards. |
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Best Drinker Adam Avery This one is pretty self-explanatory. I mean the dude owns a brewery… |
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Best BIPS That girl in the Red Chili ads. For real. The BIPS are phenomenal. |
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Needs to Make a Comeback Obe Carrion We miss you Obe. Get on your shit and BRING IT. |
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Ascent of the Year Chris Sharma… Jumbo Love… |
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Almostscent of the Year Paul Robinson Breaking your ankle on Never Ending Story is… heartbreaking. |
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Somehow stays monogamous even though he could get any tail he wanted Daniel Woods Good work you’re an honorable man, but just sayin. Laura you must be doing something right. |
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Least Douchy Sonnie Trotter For some reason I thought this Canadian Idiot was a total douche before I met him. I found out he wasn’t, and he’s radder than you. |
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Looks Best In Verve Shorts and Sports Bra That chick at the Spot You know? She’s like there sometimes when I’m there and she knows she’s hot, but you know. Yeah. She’s hot. |
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So hot she turns us into a drooling pile of mush that blabbers unintelligibly while trying to say simple things like “hi” and “how are you” Colette McInerney Colette is one of the raddest, most chill, rock killer, maneaters out there. Joe, you better not fuck your shit up with her. |
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Most likely to own a Strip Club Matty Segal We don’t know why, this makes exactly no sense at all, but we think it fits well. I’d be willing to bet if given the business opportunity he would own Nitro. |
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Most Likely to Quit Climbing and become a Porn Star Adam Stack Oh wait… |
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Best Dressed Abbey Smith? Abbey you dress just fine but really we just needed to give you an award because we think you’re super hot. |
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Best backer for bar fight Nick Duttle Dude, you’re gigantic and would intimidate the pants off any drunk duffer that wants to start shit. Besides we really do want to drink with you. Oh and you climb way harder than us. |
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p-rob’s tumble was the suck for sure… same award would have gone to fryberger a couple years ago… one of the few kids to elect to top out the “cliff” of ‘dark waters’ rather than to just drop off like most do [98%?]… broke a hold from 30+ ft and explodimacated his ankle. so it was a send, made a non send by passing the drop off point and continuing on to doom. uggh.
also: i have been told by reputable sources that litz would rip out someone’s heart in a bar brawl with his own teeth. imagine that… the logistics… he’d do it. for real. scary beneath the quiet. woah.
winner. winner. chicken dinner. such dudes, but – y’all’ve done it here – this is genius. is it possible to top this post?
We keep topping the untoppable, so, yes, it is possible. stay tuned…
ok..what’s a BIP?
I’m guessing it is the crease where the butt cheek and leg meets. I’ve always heard it called a “bite” but whatever.
BIPs/Bites are good…..
ahh now i know what to call that fav part of the hot females…
Why does EVERYONE SAY THAT about Me and Coltron??? GODDAMNIT!!!!!
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