Jokes and Jokes and Jokes (and a CONTEST!)
posted by wig
The campfire is a great place for stories, beers, beers and laughs. It’s where we all find ourselves trying to regrow the skin on our tips after a long day of pulling down rocks. Last night was no exception for our crew after the foosball table in the barn at Hueco Rock Ranch long lost it’s luster (a.k.a after Rick and his shit-talking lady friend owned us in a quick match). Very quickly the conversation around the fire digressed into joke telling, then the gnarly joke telling, and then we thought maybe we should tell some climber jokes. Unfortunately we only knew a few and began to make them up. With such a small arsenal I thought it might be wise to see what you all have to offer in the way of climbing jokes. I thought CONTEST! whoever can come up with the best climber joke, punch it in to the comments and we’ll send you a free Organic chalk bag for all your rock climbing, hand drying and crushing needs. Here are some we came up with just to get you all started:
What’s the hardest part about sport climbing?
Telling your parents you’re gay
What do Rifle climbers and hookers have in common?
They’re both good on their knees
What do climbers and prostitutes have in common?
They both spread their legs and trust the rubber
What’s the difference between boulderers and gorillas?
Gorillas have social skills
What do Hugh Hephner and aid climbers have in common?
They both need gear to get up
Alright that’s all we got. Make sure and comment your joke to win some free stuff from Organic!
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what’s the difference between a climbing guide and a pizza?
a pizza can feed a family of four.
What do sport climbing and getting a blow job from a guy have in common?
They both feel good until you look down and realize your gay.
What’s the difference between a trad climber and a snake?
One’s soft, dry & scaly, and the other knows how to climb.
Eh, that one sucked. I can do better.
What’s the funnest (yes, I said “funnest”) part about going ice climbing?
Going sport climbing.
Not great, but thought I’d try…
It’s OK if they’re paraphrased out of DeadPoint ‘zine right?
How is a wicked sloper problem like the hottest babe on the block?
Once you finally get your hands on her, you realize you can’t hold on for long; meanwhile, your friends have lined up for a turn, just waiting for you to get chucked like the last guy, no matter how heartbroken you might be about it.
What do posers and 14yr. old boys have in common?
They are blown after a few pulls, but back the next day for more. And they just can’t seem to get their hands on any slopers…
might be because Im from Europe, but I dont get the gay-jokes. Neither do guy-climbers here. Unless… guy-climbers in the US are gay?? :)
HA! lena’s joke is the best one on here!
what’s the dif between a golfer and a climber…
when golfing, you go “whack” and say “damn”…
when climbing, you say “damn” and go “whack”…
Married couple. Husband says he is going out for a quick pint and won’t be long. Whilst in pub he meets a girl they get chatting have a few drinks, he walks her home, she invites him in for coffee one thing leads to another and they have sex. He eventually checks the time it is one o’clock in the morning and he realises he is going to be in deep shit as he said he was only going for one drink. He asks the girl for some talcum powder and dusts it over his hands and dashes off home. The wife is waiting angrily at the door “where the hell have you been?” “Well” he replies ” I met this girl in the pub, we had a few drinks, I walked her home, I went up for a coffee and one thing led to another and we had sex together” The wife looks at him then at his hands, “Don’t tell me lies you’ve been climbing”
A climber pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of his pants. Bartender says “Hey! You have a steering wheel in your pants!”.
Climber pirate says “Arrr…it’s drivin’ me nuts!”
What do you call a single male climber?
A sport climber, an ice climber and a trad climber walk into a bar. The bartender says, “what is this, some kind of joke?”
A 9.2mm rope walks into a bar with the obviously worn look of a rope that had been to Clear Creek Canyon one too many times. Core showing and sheath all in strings.
The bartender yells “HEY! we don’t serve ropes here…get lost!” and throws him out of the bar.
Rope REALLY needs a drink, so he ties a Fig.8 follow-through in the middle of his body and walks back into the bar.
The bartender sees him and asks “Aren’t you the rope i just threw out of here?!”
The rope replies, “nope, i’m a frayed knot!”
Hahahah those last two are the best
My earlier material was not original. Here is an original joke and an apocryphal story
(1) Two trad climbers are heading up an easy climb with good protection. On one of the pitches, the lead climber seems to be taking an incredibly long time at a fairly easy part of the route. When the second gets to the same point on his way up, he sees the protection the first climber placed and reflects, “what a nut job!”
(2) Before the bolting revolution, two climbers (stoners), Harold and Kumar, saw a White Castle at the top of a cliff and decided to head up to it. Harold starts up first, and about 20 feet up realizes that, because of his…condition…, he forgot his rack. He quickly whips out his purple crayon (what, you thought I was talking about Harold from the film?), scribbles on the rock, and clips his rope through the scribble.
Kumar: What is that?
so ended up holding the new bag?