posted by bronco
The only real options for surviving this epic situation: 1. Whiskey (LOTS!!!) and/or 2. .45 caliber pistol. You may need the first to gain the courage for the second. What is a rock climber to do when he/she is trapped in a line from that one CREED song “my own prison”? Whatever, how you get yourself into the mess is not the issue, you’re there! So, what do you do about it? Below is a short list of the top ten things that may be useful to someone in the above situation.
Here’s some stuff you can do to maximize your time while trapped away from beloved rocks and other stuff to climb on.
1. Play a little game I like to call “The Littlest Winner”. Here’s how you play this one player game, so fuch mucking fun!
• Divide your time in half where ever you’re going to be. So, if you’re there for 4 weeks, take two weeks and see how much food you can realistically eat. How much weight can you gain in the first two weeks? I gained 10lbs. Then take the next two weeks and see if you can lose it by depriving yourself of homemade/deep fried/butter dripping/ultra sugary/awesome food that literally calls to you in your sleep. For extra points walk into the pantry where this food is stored and turn the light on, but don’t touch a thing. Just stand there. I have 2lbs to go! Bonus Lightning Speed round: if you lose more than you gained, you have 24 hours to gain the lost weight back.
2. Facebook so much you know what all 890 friends statusususus’ssss are. Try and come up with the quippiest saying for your own status. Oh man, so much fun!!!
3. Drink so much coffee that your heart feels like its going to explode.
4. Onsight every route at the local rock gym except that one freaking thing that’s chiseled and only like 3 people have done it and shit. Damn.
5. Go to your local gym, Climb 11,000 feet in a day!
6. Go Clandestine! This game makes me feel like Jason fucking Bourne. Here’s what you do: Go study at your alma mater and wear a hood and cap so no one recognizes you. Secret Agent Shit and shit.
7. Start writing like 2 books.
8. Neglect studying because you have really important things to do like…writing 2 books, duh.
9. Plan no less than 3 climbing trips, you deserve it!
10. Write for your website when you should be studying.
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