The Accessorized Boulderer

posted by limit

Places like Mountain Gear and REI sell little packages of gear that they consider to be essential to get you started in say sport climbing or big walls or bouldering. Basically they bundle together gear than an idiot with half a brain would know to buy and give you a 2% discount. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is wonderful. Unfortunately, this kits don’t contain the small, yet essential accessories you need to look and talk like everybody else at the Buttermilks.

	Dreads: Growing your hair out is a pain in the ass. If you want instant cred among the boulders, just clip these fake dreads to your noggin, and BAM you instantly look more in tune with the energy of the rocks. Peppering you sentences with words like “chakra” “centered” and “mudra” couldn’t hurt either.
	WEED: Boulderers talk about weed the way most people talk about March Madness. If you want entrance to 70% of the conversations in Hueco, Bishop or RMNP, you’re going to have to know your Northern Lights from your Pineapple Express. A subscription to high times should put you well on your way.
	The Camcorder: At some point in every boulderers career, they decide they are the third Cohen Brother. If you want to look like you really know what you’re doing, get your paws on this badboy from Cannon.

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About The Author: limit

Golden, CO
Age:26

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Monday, March 2nd, 2009 Main

6 Comments to The Accessorized Boulderer

Funny! You forgot the attitude. Make sure to have some BS reason why this is better than that.

I’ve had people tell me Bison chalk sucks (maybe that was just their excuse for not sending), and Organic pads suck because they’re popular.

Eli on March 2nd, 2009
Nice limit. Pretty much hit the nail on the head with this one. Brilliant.

___ is more on March 3rd, 2009
true true. this applies all over the globe.

FE on March 4th, 2009
of course everyone’s got their own opinions, but i LOVE bison chalk. it’s the smoothest stuff i’ve come across (people are always commenting on it when they stick their hand in my bucket) and it’s made locally (for me). two points.

tho i’ve never used an organic pad, if i assume that it works just like every other damned crash pad (ie i don’t die when i get tossed), then at the very least, i dig that the pad’s been handmade to order by a tiny company (see their website).

just my $.02!

fa on March 6th, 2009
Ha, you could also include the djembe drums and slackline if you are not blessed with mutant genes but still want to do something that makes you “stand out”

FE on March 7th, 2009
Bison chalk does suck.

Um on April 1st, 2009