posted by wig
You know it. I know it. American climbing. It’s awesome. Well… I haven’t exactly climbed out the country yet so I’m not sure if I’m an expert on that, but since ignorance occasionally seems to be another tenant of ‘Murkan culture I’m gonna run with it. In honor of Independence Day I’ve decided that we need some good old fashioned Americana in this post. So crack open a freedom bomb, read up, and enjoy the rest of the holiday by getting blasted and shooting something with fireworks. I mean just look at Tommy Caldwell on the left that’s as American as you can get! He’s like a patriotic nine fingered ninja climbing robot. The cover even says LAND OF THE FREE! SHIT! Anyway I decided to make a list. Since we have 50 states I’m writing/compiling the 50 (because 50 is obviously the most patriotic number) things that are good about climbing in the Land Bruce Springsteen (literally the boss…) sings about.
50 Awesome Things About Climbing and America
1. Girls in Verve shorts.
2. Fixed Draws
3. COMMUNITY! Never separate climbing and community! Reach out to other climbers! (LifeAndClimbs via Twitter)
4. Avery beer challenges! (Colette McInerney)
5. Mexican food in yo FACE!!! Technology that is IMPERIAL!!! We bang Three 6 Mafia at the CLIFF!!! BAWSE! (Joe Kinder)
6. You can make fun of little teenagers that say allez when they climb.
7. Wal-mart Super Centers on climbing trips (Emily Harrington)
8. Climbing with wristbands, tank tops, jeans and an iPod boombox at the base. (Sam Elias)
9. Lauren Lee.
10. BBQ’s on top of things like Castleton
11. Whiskey Wednesdays at the DOWNER!
12. The interesting non-climbers who own the climber campgrounds: Mike Shultz/HP40, Miguel/Red River Gorge, Roger/New River Gorge etc. (lacquement via twitter)
13. Our dude did 5.15a and b FIRST. JUST LIKE THE MOON BITCH! WE FIRST!
14. Cliffhanger, Eiger Sanction, Vertical Limit…
15. John Long’s Anchors.
16. We are naturally good at rodeo clips because we actually have… rodeos.
17. ads like THIS.
18. Amercia’s Next Top Model used CLIMBING as a photo shoot. BECAUSE IT’S BAWLER.
19. Options. Sandstone, splitters, towers, granite, bouldering, big walls, buildings, roadside craggin, limestone, all without need for a passport. (Jer Collins)
20. Can I text you an answer? I have to go get some bourbon (Wade David)
22. Rocky Mountain National Park (Spot Gym via facebook)
23. El Pasito burritos in Hueco (Sarah Orens)
24. Watching redneck wanna-be’s unknowingly almost kill each other on bumbly routes (Misty Murphy)
25. Our climbing videos are unparalleled.
26. Magically we can support 5 major climbing magazines…
27. American blow cannot be further from the French blow.
28. We got hard scary trad that Euros don’t do
29. Coffee. By the acre.
30. 2 words. Stone Newdz
31. It’s something the whole family can do and does do (Luke Laeser)
32. Because I don’t have to. (Val-o-rie our sometime graphic designer)
33. Akon. (Paige Claassen)
34. acquiring climbing shoes for free really isn’t THAT hard.
35. Aliens. SHIT yes.
36. Joe Brooks and Timy Fairfield, what would America’s premiere sport climbing crags be without their artistry?
37. Our chossy limestone we somehow get Euros to visit.
38. We know how to dirtbag. Without shame.
39. The only country where being a homeless, jobless, unwashed dirtbag who freeloads off his attractive, employed, educated girlfriend who climbs V9 is something to aspire to
40. Nachos, hot-dogs and chicken wings are crag food. click.
41. Drive up, belay from a chair in your trucks bed crags like Rifle.
42. Coors Original Brewed in the Rockies. down the street. In my hand right his second actually.
43. Which is why this list is taking a turn for the worst beuase this is my fifth.
44. We got this thing called El Cap. We also got this thing called Lil’ Wayne and this other thing called Rick Ross.
45. That Osbourne kid tried to climb and looked lame.
46. Hemingway repped for us, “There are only 3 real sports: bull-fighting, car racing and mountain climbing. All the others are mere games.”
47. CCGOTW duh.
48. Alcohol is a very large part of our climbing culture.
49. Climbing clothing is actually getting cooler…
Alright guys. This is lame but I don’t care because I’m leaving for the weekend. I’m leaving the last one open for comments. Winner gets a free t-shirt. Can you handle it!?
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