Whiskey Wednesday: Sam Elias
I’m quaffing whiskey this week to an underground badass you’ve probably never heard of–Sam Elias. Since mid March, Sam has been dispatching some of rifle hardest lines including Don’t Trust Whitey(13d/14a), The Collinator (14a), Achilles (14a), and Benign Intervention (14b).
Today, he fired Stockboys Revenge, a stout 14b in Rifle’s Bauhaus on his second try of the day and eighth try overall.
Sam on Don't Trust Whitey
Prior to this season’s burst of baddassery, he had done just a couple 5.14a routes. I’m thuroughly impressed by how much he’s stepped it up this season. Over the winter while the rest of us were eating twinkies and working on our beer bellies, lil’ Sam must have actually been training or some shit. Whatever it was, cheers to you homeboy!
The WW Honorable Mention goes John Cardwell which means you get to take two shots tonight. At the EXACT same time as Sam’s send, Cardwell was completely OWNING Girl Talk, a new 14c on the same wall.
And that’s just damned awesome.
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What Your Belay Device Says about you
Whether you like it or not, what you choose to belay with betrays a lot about you.
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Whiskey Wednesday
You probably think I’m day late posting this and you would be right. But I am in Rifle which means I have the ultimate get-out-jail free-card. You pretty much can’t be mad at me.
ANYWAY. I’m downing whiskey to Spring which seems like it’s FINALLY here, after an April filled not with showers but huge snowstorms. In fact, I think it snowed like four times as much in April here in Colorado than the whole rest of the year.
To climbing in shorts, approaching in flip flops.
To barbeque’s and beers on the patio.
To girls in skirts (and guys with no shirts)
To green grass and flowers, and those damned robins. And scantily clad women serving beer.
Raise your glasses to NOT fucking freezing to death anymore!
Also, bikini wearing rifle holding govenors!
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The Accessorized Sport Climber
A.K.A. How to fake you’re way through a day of sport climbing. Of course, you need the standard shit like a gri-gri, stick clip, belay chair, knee pad, and a an ipod with a baller playlist. But you knew that. I hope. The rest could take you years to figure out. But don’t worry, cuz I’m here to help.
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Top Five Climber Jobs For 2009
In a normal economy, dirtbag climbers tend to have pretty predictable kinds of jobs. They work construction, they serve coffee, they cut trees, they wash windows. Unfortunately, all of these sectors have been hit hard by the recession, forcing many climbers to go from “poor” to “fourth world country poor.” Fortunately, the P&C staff has been sifting through data and conducting countless hours of research to unearth job markets which are both still robust and cater towards the natural strengths of a climber.
1. Porn Star
Rumor has it that some of the boulder elite already capitalized on this a few years ago and honestly, I can’t think of a good reason not to do this. In fact, I think climbers are especially suited to the job: they have fit, toned bodies, abs to die for, are generally pretty tan, and are really really good at grunting and moaning five times louder than is necessary. The only hitch for a lot of you climbing dudes out there is that you have really small penises(why else would there be so much weenie waving on RC.com??). Fortunately, there is a cure.
› Keep reading
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The Hollywood Guide to Climbing
| 1. When free soloing, always cary a full rack. A hands free headset can’t hurt either. |
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If Your Shopping Cart Could Read Your Mind…
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The Accessorized Trad Climber
A couple weeks ago, we showed you how to accessorize yourself to look like a seasoned baller boulder. Not to leave anybody out, this week we’re doing the same for you tradsters out there.
| The stitch plate: this belay device was invented circa 35 B.C. Although belay devices have come a long way since then, as a trad climber its you job to inform the world that the olden days were the golden days. The easiest way to do this is by using the shittiest belay device ever made. |
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The Accessorized Boulderer
Places like Mountain Gear and REI sell little packages of gear that they consider to be essential to get you started in say sport climbing or big walls or bouldering. Basically they bundle together gear than an idiot with half a brain would know to buy and give you a 2% discount. Don’t get me wrong, I think this is wonderful. Unfortunately, this kits don’t contain the small, yet essential accessories you need to look and talk like everybody else at the Buttermilks.
| Dreads: Growing your hair out is a pain in the ass. If you want instant cred among the boulders, just clip these fake dreads to your noggin, and BAM you instantly look more in tune with the energy of the rocks. Peppering you sentences with words like “chakra” “centered” and “mudra” couldn’t hurt either. | |
| WEED: Boulderers talk about weed the way most people talk about March Madness. If you want entrance to 70% of the conversations in Hueco, Bishop or RMNP, you’re going to have to know your Northern Lights from your Pineapple Express. A subscription to high times should put you well on your way. | |
| The Camcorder: At some point in every boulderers career, they decide they are the third Cohen Brother. If you want to look like you really know what you’re doing, get your paws on this badboy from Cannon. |
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